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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* A massive, worldwide cyber attack Wednesday affected an estimated one billion Internet users. Well, one billion and six, counting the people who were on Bing.
* During the cyber attack, computers around the globe slowed drastically for many. It was as if everyone in the world was suddenly forced to use AOL.
* The $440 million project to upgrade and widen Interstate 80 between Omaha and Lincoln should be completed in early November. You may recall that the work began the same week Nebraska was granted statehood.
* The original purpose of the widening was to allow easier access for covered wagons.
* Workers are rushing to complete the widening because its going to look pretty embarrassing if man lands on Mars first.
* A sick, snowy owl found in downtown Omaha last fall has been nursed back to health and will be released in its natural snow-covered habitat -- an Omaha side street.
* I read that tourism is booming in rural North Dakota. OK, now this really makes the Kearney Arch look bad.
* A group of U.S. senators are on a tour of the U.S.-Mexican border. This makes sense. Let potential illegal immigrants get a good look at our leadership and they’ll turn around and go home.
* The latest Labor Dept. statistics show that 236,000 jobs were created in February. Unfortunately, most of the jobs are for plumbers and tow operators to service Carnival Cruise ships.
* North Korea has issued a fresh threat to the U.S. Not to worry. If terms of military strength, using an NCAA Tournament analogy, the North Korean military is Liberty, and the U.S. is Louisville.
* It looks like President Obama wants to implement a new tax on wealthy Americans just to cover Joe Biden’s hotel bill.
* Ashley Judd will not be a U.S. candidate for Senate in Kentucky. Judd said she plans to devote 100 percent of her energy making sure that, next time, the Kentucky basketball team defeats Robert Morris.
* Ashley Judd will not run for senate. We’re still awaiting the decisions of Kellie Pickler and Carrot Top.
* It’s clear why Ashley is not running. Wynonna Judd is competing on “Dancing with the Stars.” In the sibling rivalry race, Wynonna already one-upped her because “Dancing with the Stars” has more cache than serving in the current Congress.
* Two weeks into the new season, Dorothy Hamill quit “Dancing with the Stars.” Yeah, that’s usually about how long I last watching the show, too.
* In Tucson, a thief stole two cash boxes from Girl Scouts' cookie sales. The thieves are recognizing that, in these economic times, there is more money in taking Girl Scouts' cookie money than in breaking into ATMs.
* Charlie Sheen said he met Lance Armstrong 5 or 6 years ago at a party and said Armstrong was rude to him. If there’s anyone whose memory of a party 5 or 6 years ago has to be considered infallible, it is Charlie Sheen.
* Considering it was Charlie Sheen at a party, that may have been Neil Armstrong he met.