Breaking Brad: Attack dolphins escape Ukrainian naval training facility? -
Published Monday, April 1, 2013 at 12:01 am / Updated at 12:15 pm
Breaking Brad: Attack dolphins escape Ukrainian naval training facility?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* After a beautiful weekend, cooler weather and light snow have returned to eastern Nebraska. All the Omaha mayoral candidates are blaming each other.

* If it's snowing on Tuesday, election turnout could be close to zero.

* Less than 24 hours until the Omaha mayoral primary. That means the candidates only have time to lob another 150 outrageous insults at their opponents.

* Douglas County Election Commissioner Dave Phipps predicted there will be an 18 percent turnout on Tuesday. Here's the amazing thing: 19 percent of Omahans are running for mayor.

* Mayor Jim Suttle attributes the low predicted turnout to there being fewer homeless people.

* Today is April Fools' Day. April Fools' Day is, of course, when we honor people who filled out brackets for this year's NCAA basketball tournament.

* We already had Presidents Day. This is April Fools' Day, when we honor vice presidents, OPPD executives and reality show contestants.

* In the NCAA men's basketball tournament, Wichita State defeating Ohio State proves that the Missouri Valley is superior to the Big Ten in basketball quality ... April Fool.

* Wichita State made the Final Four for the first time in 48 years. Let's hope this cocky bunch doesn't expect to make it every 48 years.

* For the first time in 17 years, New York City has a country music radio station. To put that in perspective, in that 17 years there have been 1,586 televised country music awards show.

* The best thing about the new celebrity diving show “Splash” is the variety of dives on display. There's the front belly flop, the reverse belly flop, the half pike into a belly flop and the amazing “feet first while holding your nose” dive.

* According to a false news report, three trained attack dolphins escaped from a Ukrainian naval training facility. OK, so while we're being told we have nothing to fear from North Korea, I think I can safely add that we don't have much to fear from the Ukraine either.

* Singer/rapper PSY is changing his new single because it may offend certain ethnic groups. That's not to be confused with his last single, “Gangnam Style,” which offended music lovers.

* Florida Gulf Coast basketball coach Andy Enfield may go to the pros. That's right, he's being courted by USC.

* Pro wrestler Big Show is a former Wichita State basketball player. Who says the Wichita State job-placement program is lacking?

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Omaha police investigate two Sunday shootings
Sole big donor to Beau McCoy says he expects nothing in return
Firefighters battle brush fire near Fontenelle Forest
Sioux City riverboat casino prepares to close, still hoping to be saved
Omaha high schoolers to help canvass for Heartland 2050
Mizzou alumni aim to attract veterinary students to Henry Doorly Zoo
Grant ensures that Sioux City can start building children's museum
Party looks to 'nudge' women into public office in Iowa
For birthday, Brownell-Talbot student opts to give, not get
Two taken to hospital after fire at Benson home
Grace: Pipe organ concert a tribute to couple's enduring love
Omaha-area jails and ERs new front line in battling mental illness
Convicted killer Nikko Jenkins might await his sentence in prison
Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
Civil rights hearing to consider voting policies in Midwest
17 senators in Nebraska Legislature hit their (term) limits
It's a pursuit of pastel at Spring Lake Park's Easter egg hunt
Financial picture improving for city-owned Mid-America Center
No injuries after fire at midtown's old Mercer Mansion
29-year-old Omahan arrested for 22nd time in Lincoln
Police: Slaying of woman in Ralston apartment likely over drugs
Explosion near 29th, Woolworth damages vehicles
Omaha police arrest man, 19, accused in March shooting
Earth gets its day in the sun at Elmwood Park
Beau McCoy strikes Obama doll in TV ad; Democrats are not happy
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Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
A World War II veteran from Omaha will return this week to Europe to commemorate a tragedy in the run-up to D-Day.
Dickson’s Week in Review, April 13-19
On Twitter some guy tweeted that the spring game isn’t taken as seriously as a regular-season contest. What was your first clue? When the head coach entered waving a cat aloft?
Kelly: A California university president returns to her Nebraska roots on Ivy Day
The main speaker at today's Ivy Day celebration at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is a college president who grew up roping calves and earned her Ph.D. at the prestigious Oxford University in England.
Breaking Brad: Stuck in a claw machine? You get no Easter candy
I know of one kid in Lincoln who will be receiving a lump of coal from the Easter Bunny, just as soon as he's extricated from that bowling alley claw machine.
Breaking Brad: Mountain lion season's over, but the bunny's fair game!
Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
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