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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning edition.
* Homeland Security Chief Janet Napolitano is going to stay on the job for Obama's second term. Sure, who better to continue to lead airport security screeners than someone whose last name contains the root word “nap”?
* Tuesday night Wynonna Judd was eliminated from “Dancing with the Stars.” I think there are few things in life more cruel than to be a professional musician doing your final exit dance and to look up and see Andy Dick gloating.
* A man in Brazil was caught trying to smuggle cocaine inside a “prosthetic derriere” he wore. Oh, great. Now when we check in at the airport, we'll be asked: “Did anybody ask you to watch this bag?” and “Is that your real butt?”
* A prosthetic derriere? I guess the ticket agent asked a checking-in passenger, “Have you seen anything unusual?” “Just that guy with the fake butt.”
* There's a new fork that registers how long you've been eating and how many calories you've consumed. Only in America do we spend more time designing our eating utensils than our Mars rovers.
* I saw an online article titled: “How To Destroy Your Workplace Relationships.” I'm guessing No. 1 was: “Sponsor the Office NCAA Tournament Bracket.”
* After Minnesota was eliminated from the NCAA Tournament, coach Tubby Smith was fired. I'm trying to confirm the Minnesota athletic director was overheard yelling at Smith: “You ruined my bracket!”
* Golfer Vijay Singh admitted to using deer antler spray. Singh had no choice but to confess after he was spotted grazing on the fourth fairway.
* A Florida man has built a “bomb-proof man cave.” This is when you know your husband is too into sports. He's taking steps to ensure that Armageddon doesn't prevent him from seeing the end of the Steelers-Browns game.
* The Omaha primary was disappointing in a lot of ways. Let's get this out of the way: voting against a City Council candidate just because your neighbor had a sign touting his candidacy is not acceptable.
* Former radio talk-show host Dave Nabity finished third in the mayoral primary. Chin up, Nabity. The way things work in this town, there's about a 40 percent chance the top two finishers will be recalled, and you'll get the job.
* NASCAR's Danica Patrick attended the White House Easter egg roll. This was the first time President Obama ever met someone who goes in circles more than members of Congress.
* President Obama shot baskets with members of the Washington Wizards, and he finished two-for-22. You think that's bad, when it comes to getting bills through the current Congress Obama is something like three-for-89.
* Hillary Clinton has returned to the limelight by giving a big public speech. Here's how it traditionally works: After leaving office, a Clinton stays out of the limelight for 12-48 hours before making his or her triumphant comeback return.