Breaking Brad: Bad news for reporters assigned to Mort Sullivan's HQ - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, April 3, 2013 at 10:52 am / Updated at 1:22 pm
Breaking Brad: Bad news for reporters assigned to Mort Sullivan's HQ

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* The Omaha primary election was held Tuesday. Now we're down to only two mayoral candidates and something like 67 people still running for OPS Board.

* There wasn't a great turnout for the Omaha primary. Next time, election officials are vowing to take my suggestion to sell fireworks at the polling places.

* Tuesday was Primary Day in Omaha. Or, as Mayor Suttle now refers to it: “Oh-Oh Day.”

* A quick CliffsNotes version of the election: Today, Jean Stothert is celebrating, Mayor Suttle is worrying, and Brad Ashford and Dan Welch are looking around going: “What was that? An April Fools joke?”

* A quick tip for local TV news reporters: here's how you know you're not on the fast track at your station -- on Election Night, you're assigned to Mort Sullivan campaign headquarters.

* Optimists are hoping that Suttle and Stothert can find common ground. I've poured over their records and transcripts, and all I can come up with is their last names both begin with “S.”

* It was not a great turnout on Primary Day. In one Omaha City Council race a candidate won by a 2 to 1 margin. That's two votes to one vote.

* I think this reveals the amount of apathy. On Wednesday morning, the article about the primary elections was the third-most popular on Omaha.com. No. 1: “Doctors answer your medical questions.” We're interested in the mayoral race, just not as much as we are in finding a cure for that goiter.

* A 16-year-old Blair High student named Zachary Robak memorized 1,002 digits of pi. If you're a girl at Blair High and Zachary said he was going to call you but he forgot the number, don't buy it.

* This kid memorized 1,002 digits of pi. Now Robak will attempt to top that feat by memorizing the names of all the candidates that ran for the OPS Board in the primary.

* Breaking news -- instead of airing the NCAA Tournament Final Four, CBS is asking permission to just run that commercial where the guy forgets to remove his ski mask in the store on a continuous, 24-hour loop.

* The U.S. is sending fighter jets to South Korea. Personally, I don't think Psy's new single is that bad.

* NASCAR's Danica Patrick appeared at the White House Easter egg roll. Let's all pray that our government is not so broke that White House events are now sponsored by GoDaddy.com.

* During a basketball shoot-around at the White House Easter egg roll, President Obama sank just two of 22 shots. In a sign of the times, nine of the shots were blocked by tea party members.

* Sen. Rand Paul announced he is basically neutral on gay marriage. OK, that settles it -- he's definitely running for president in 2016.

To counter Paul, every other potential presidential candidate immediately announced that he or she is neutral on every single issue.

* VP Joe Biden was inducted into the Irish America Hall of Fame. This is believed to be the highest honor ever accorded a sitting U.S. vice president.

* Hallmark cards has hired a lobbyist to try to stop the Postal Service from halting Saturday mail delivery. Today, the Hallmark lobbyist released an official statement which read:

We need mail delivery on Saturday.
Let's all find a way.
It will be Okay.
There's a way to pay.
Because you'll always be a dear friend.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

EB L Street lane to close
Omaha area may get 1 inch of rain tonight
Some city streets remain closed
Owners of exotic dance bar deny prostitution allegations
More Nebraskans are electing to vote early
Nebraska's U.S. Senate candidates stick to familiar topics at Omaha forum
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
Gov. Heineman vetoes bill to ease restrictions on nurse practitioners
19-year-old killed in one-vehicle crash at 72nd & Shirley
8% of alcohol sellers checked in Omaha area last week sold booze to minors
OPS bus, SUV collide; no students onboard at the time
Waitress who served alcohol to teen before fatal crash gets jail time, probation
Lori Jenkins, charged as accessory in 4 murders, waives speedy trial
Iowa State servers hacked, nearly 30,000 SSNs at risk
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
2nd District House race: After 8 terms, Lee Terry knows how D.C. works — and doesn't
Bellevue man is killed at Minnesota dance hall after South Sudanese basketball tourney
Spring corn planting still sputters in Nebraska, Iowa, other key states
Nebraska banking and finance director to retire
U.S. Senate race: State Auditor Mike Foley defends Shane Osborn against ad campaign
Public defender to represent Nikko Jenkins in sentencing
Mid-America Center on track for lower operating loss
Bluffs City Council approves dozens of new numbered street lights
National Law Enforcement Memorial Week set for May
Ted Cruz backs Pete Ricketts' campaign for governor
< >
COLUMNISTS »
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
The idea that Paul Hogan had studied and then hatched at his mother's table was that older people, rather than moving in with relatives or to an assisted-living center, would much prefer to stay home instead.
Breaking Brad: Into the claw machine! Florida kid follows Lincoln kid's lead
In Fort Lauderdale, Fla., a child climbed inside a claw machine. Hey, Florida kid: Nobody likes a copycat.
Breaking Brad: Even Chuck Hassebrook's throwing mud!
The Nebraska campaigns have turned so ugly, Democrat Chuck Hassebrook lobbed unfounded accusations at an imaginary opponent.
Breaking Brad: Kraft wiener recall is business opportunity for TD Ameritrade Park
Instead of returning the wieners, TD Ameritrade Park is calling them "cheese dogs" and charging double.
Breaking Brad: Photos with the Easter Bunny are so 2010
In a sign of the times, most kids ran out of patience waiting for a photo with the Easter Bunny at the mall, just snapped a selfie and went home.
Deadline Deal thumbnail
Tokyo Sushi
$5 for $10 or $10 for $20 toward All-You-Can-Eat Sushi Purchase
Buy Now
PHOTO GALLERIES »
< >
SPOTLIGHT »
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
WORLD-HERALD ALERTS »
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for Omaha.com's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »