Breaking Brad: Suh eliminated from 'Splash' ... to save water - Omaha.com
Published Thursday, April 4, 2013 at 12:00 pm / Updated at 2:16 pm
Breaking Brad: Suh eliminated from 'Splash' ... to save water

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning edition.

* The first ever cellphone call was made 40 years ago Wednesday, which means the first ever cellphone contract signed 40 years ago is up on Friday.

* The very first cellphone call was made at 1:04 p.m. And, at 1:05 p.m., for the first time someone shouted: "Hey, turn that thing off! We're trying to watch a movie."

* If only I knew back then, I would have trademarked the phrase, "Can you hear me now?"

* Temperatures in Hawaii fell to a record low of 61 degrees. The association of everyone in Omaha that feels sorry for Hawaiians will be meeting inside a phone booth on Saddle Creek Road.

* Two OPS Board candidates are tied with 287 votes each. I have the perfect tie-breaker: see who can name more of the 39 candidates for OPS Board.

* The TSA is removing the nude-image screener machines first installed in 2005. TSA agents have been looking at nude Americans for seven years, which is six years and eleven months longer than I thought they’d last.

* Disney World is getting four new neighborhoods. Town Center, The Landing, Marketplace and Dad’s-Now-Broke-So-Everything-Is-Free-Land. OK, I made up the last one.

* Ndamukong Suh has been eliminated from “Splash.” The scary thing for the Detroit Lions is this means they go into next season with a defensive lineman who lost an athletic competition to Louie Anderson.

* It’s not so much that he was bad. Producers just wearied of having to refill the pool after every Suh dive.

* USC hired Florida Gulf Coast basketball coach Andy Enfield. I’m trying to confirm that USC fans welcomed him at the airport with signs reading: “Welcome latest NCAA Tournament Flavor of the Month.”

* Baseball season is officially underway. There was a ceremony at Werner Park where a dignitary threw out the first beach ball.

* Baltimore Ravens' QB Joe Flacco signed a contract worth $120 million. To shed some perspective, the rest of Baltimore is worth about $105 million.

* Alex Rodriguez is being sued by his own cousin. Call me a cynic, but I smell reality show.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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