Breaking Brad: Suh eliminated from 'Splash' ... to save water -
Published Thursday, April 4, 2013 at 12:00 pm / Updated at 2:16 pm
Breaking Brad: Suh eliminated from 'Splash' ... to save water

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning edition.

* The first ever cellphone call was made 40 years ago Wednesday, which means the first ever cellphone contract signed 40 years ago is up on Friday.

* The very first cellphone call was made at 1:04 p.m. And, at 1:05 p.m., for the first time someone shouted: "Hey, turn that thing off! We're trying to watch a movie."

* If only I knew back then, I would have trademarked the phrase, "Can you hear me now?"

* Temperatures in Hawaii fell to a record low of 61 degrees. The association of everyone in Omaha that feels sorry for Hawaiians will be meeting inside a phone booth on Saddle Creek Road.

* Two OPS Board candidates are tied with 287 votes each. I have the perfect tie-breaker: see who can name more of the 39 candidates for OPS Board.

* The TSA is removing the nude-image screener machines first installed in 2005. TSA agents have been looking at nude Americans for seven years, which is six years and eleven months longer than I thought they’d last.

* Disney World is getting four new neighborhoods. Town Center, The Landing, Marketplace and Dad’s-Now-Broke-So-Everything-Is-Free-Land. OK, I made up the last one.

* Ndamukong Suh has been eliminated from “Splash.” The scary thing for the Detroit Lions is this means they go into next season with a defensive lineman who lost an athletic competition to Louie Anderson.

* It’s not so much that he was bad. Producers just wearied of having to refill the pool after every Suh dive.

* USC hired Florida Gulf Coast basketball coach Andy Enfield. I’m trying to confirm that USC fans welcomed him at the airport with signs reading: “Welcome latest NCAA Tournament Flavor of the Month.”

* Baseball season is officially underway. There was a ceremony at Werner Park where a dignitary threw out the first beach ball.

* Baltimore Ravens' QB Joe Flacco signed a contract worth $120 million. To shed some perspective, the rest of Baltimore is worth about $105 million.

* Alex Rodriguez is being sued by his own cousin. Call me a cynic, but I smell reality show.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

At NU's helm, J.B. Milliken built the university by building relationships with state leaders
Kelly: Huskers' glory days of '80s live on — on the small screen and on stage
Video: Stothert says Crossroads project is 'full speed ahead,' but she won't support bond issue
Agreement reached to end dog racing at Bluffs Run at end of 2015
Beau McCoy calls Pete Ricketts a 'convenient conservative' for immigration stance
Police ID body found near 36th, Seward Streets
World champion Crawford's promoter working to have title defense at CenturyLink Center
Hail, strong winds, heavy rain hit south-central Nebraska
'Fairly old' human skull found in Mills County
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
Omaha crash victim, 19, had touched many lives
Firefighters take on 'fully engulfed barn fire'
Council Bluffs school board approves new district headquarters
Officials announce effort to lure more veterans to Nebraska
SB 132nd Street lane closed
Shane Osborn grabs several endorsements
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Omaha area may get 1 inch of rain tonight
Gov. Heineman vetoes bill to ease restrictions on nurse practitioners
Nebraska banking and finance director to retire
Waitress who served alcohol to teen before fatal crash gets jail time, probation
Owners of exotic dance bar deny prostitution allegations
More Nebraskans are electing to vote early
A day after Ricketts endorsement, Ted Cruz backs Sasse for Senate
< >
Kelly: Huskers' glory days of '80s live on — on the small screen and on stage
The 1984 NFL draft was unusual for the Nebraska Cornhuskers, and these days it's remembered in the name of a rock band, the 1984 Draft. Tonight, the band will be featured nationally on the NFL Network in a documentary about — what else? — the 1984 draft.
Kelly: Started at a dining room table, Home Instead thriving at 20 with $1B in annual revenue
The idea that Paul Hogan had studied and then hatched at his mother's table was that older people, rather than moving in with relatives or to an assisted-living center, would much prefer to stay home instead.
Breaking Brad: Nebraska GOP candidates unified against naked squirrels
Some of these Nebraska campaigns are tilting pretty far right. At a recent forum, there was a consensus that we need to ban public dancing and clothe naked squirrels in public parks.
Breaking Brad: Inside the mind of a 99-year-old real estate agent
I saw an article about a 99-year-old real estate agent who's still working. “This house is extra special. It has indoor toilets!”
Breaking Brad: Into the claw machine! Florida kid follows Lincoln kid's lead
In Fort Lauderdale, Fla., a child climbed inside a claw machine. Hey, Florida kid: Nobody likes a copycat.
Deadline Deal thumbnail
7M Grill
Half Off Delicious Comfort Fusion Food & Drinks!
Buy Now
< >
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »