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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Neb. Gov. Dave Heineman reported receiving 112 rounds of free golf from lobbyists, friends and business executives. President Obama announced he was resigning as president, effective immediately, to run for governor of Nebraska.
* Heineman has played 112 rounds of free golf at the state’s finest courses as governor. I completely believe he didn’t know what was going on with the Rick Sheehy phone thing, and that’s because Heineman was hitting a ball over a lake in the Sand Hills at the time.
* When reached for comment, Heineman shouted, “Fore!”
* Our long national nightmare is over. We have a winner in the subdistrict 8 OPS Board primary race.
* The recount resulted in no changes. The winner won by one vote. While the primary race was insignificant in many ways, it will be cited as an example by civics instructors for the next 150 years on why every vote counts.
* Winter Storm Yogi is bearing down on western Nebraska and the Dakotas. Considering the National Weather Service’s recent predicting prowess, maybe instead of Yogi, it should be called Boo Boo.
* Good economic news: Warren Buffett’s secretary just paid her taxes, so the national debt has been cut in half.
* Tax Day is the one day we fear a force far greater, more omnipotent, draconian, totalitarian and evil than North Korea -- the I.R.S.
* Do you know why it’s called the 1040 form? Because for wealthy Americans under the president’s new tax plans, for every $50 you make, you keep 10 and send 40 to the government.
* On Sunday, George W. Bush became a first-time grandfather. Those Bushes have the “no new taxes” thing covered. The day before Tax Day, they’re cranking out another dependent.
* On Sunday, Florida Republican Sen. Marco Rubio appeared on seven television talk shows to defend his immigration bill. President Obama was about to criticize Rubio; then, he realized his wife was on eight talk shows the same day.
* U.S. Rep. Steve King (R - Iowa) has a reputation as being toughest on immigration of anyone in Washington. Over the weekend, he showed up at the International Horse-Jumping Competition in Omaha and tried to have all the horses from South America deported.
* The Husker Bar is Lincoln has to change its name after failing to get approval from the university. Let’s hope this has no effect on the other 700,000 businesses in the state with similar monikers, including Husker Law, Husker Plumbing, Big Red Proctology, Cornhusker Dentures...
* The NRC gave the Fort Calhoun nuclear plant “mixed reviews.” There are four words I hate to see in the same sentence -- “nuclear plant” and “mixed reviews."
* President Obama just dined with 12 Republican senators. Due to the financial condition of this country, combined with his attitude toward Republicans, he rented a van to take ‘em to the Wienerschnitzel drive through.
* Sen. Rand Paul criticized President Obama for “Mickey Mouse games.” Whereupon celebrity-obsessed Obama said: “I’ve never met Mickey Mouse. Do you think he’d be interested in a two-hour sit down or perhaps a round of golf?”
* According to a new study, having sex in outer space could be problematic. This is why that multimillionaire wants to send a middle-aged married couple to Mars -- you don’t have to worry about it.
* The rover Curiosity found on Mars the essential elements necessary for supporting life. One out of three Americans think that means a Starbucks, a Taco Bell and several McDonald’s.