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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* On June 1 at Werner Park, someone will be shot from a cannon. I say to spice things up, we make that person whomever loses the Omaha mayoral race.
* A man is going to be shot from a cannon at Werner Park. He’s being paid. If this is part of the Mayor Jim Suttle job-creation plan, I gotta think advantage Stothert.
* Tuesday night will be the first televised debate between Jean Stothert and Jim Suttle. Originally the debate was going to be on Monday, but there was concern it’d be confused for "Monday Night Raw."
* Omahans are advised to be on the lookout for "unscrupulous roofers." With that description, you cut about as wide of a swath as you do by saying "ineffectual congressmen."
* Prince Harry announced he is going to participate in a 208-mile hike to the South Pole. Actually, that’s why Prince Harry is coming to the U.S. -- he wants to get acclimated to South Pole conditions by spending some spring time in Omaha.
* Weather conditions are so harsh near the South Pole, Harry will be wearing pants.
* Prince Harry is coming to the U.S. in May, specifically New Jersey where Harry will be escorted by Gov. Chris Christie. Let’s hope there are no naked poker games this time.
* Gov. Chris Christie will spend a lot of time with Prince Harry. You are not supposed to touch a member of the Royal Family, so this will be one two-minute bear hug not to miss.
* After 15,000 air traffic controllers were furloughed due to budget cuts, some airports in Los Angeles and New York City have been thrown into chaos. There’s so much confusion an airport gift shop actually sold an item without marking it up.
* The man who stole the van containing President Obama’s teleprompter has been sentenced to seven years in prison. While that may seem excessive, remember that, for hours, the most powerful man in the world was rendered completely mute.
* Five Democratic U.S. senators announced they will not run for re-election in 2014. Considering how American voters feel about incumbents, four of the five are expected to be re-elected anyway.
* Congress is reportedly preparing to order the U.S. Postal Service to continue Saturday delivery. Not to worry, U.S. Postal Service, with the speed at which Congress moves, first it has to finish implementing its edict that the Pony Express use faster horses.
* Congress may inform the U.S. Postal Service that it doesn’t work hard enough. To give you an idea how high of a priority this is, several members of Congress are taking a break from their eight-week yoga holiday in Maui to do so.
* The North Korean government is on Twitter. No wonder its leaders are so hostile -- it has nothing to do with centuries of isolation. North Korean leaders are actually less hostile than most Twitter users.
* Apple releases earnings on Tuesday. CNBC refers to this as "the looming financial apocalypse."
* A new TV anchor at an NBC North Dakota affiliate was fired after the first words out of his mouth on live TV were profanities. Good. Do you have any idea how many viewers heard this? Well, because it’s an NBC affiliate in North Dakota, probably about three.
* There is online video of a dog who seemingly can say "I love you." I feel sorry for the guy who lives next door. At night, his wife goes: "Darn it, Jim, why can’t you be as loving as the Hendersons’ pug?"
* According to a leading Australian scientist, men are slowly growing extinct. This means millions of years from now, a guide at Morrill Hall might say: "Now here is an interesting specimen that used to roam Earth called Man. Note his sports jersey, weed-whacker, beer can and La-Z-Boy."
* The scientist claims men will become extinct in five million years. Oh, no, we’re not even going to live long enough to see the roadwork at 144th and Blondo completed.