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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Gov. Dave Heineman vetoed spending $200,000 to promote local tourism during the U.S. Senior Open in Omaha. Heineman is obviously concerned this could lead to an embarrassing revelation when it's learned he spends more time on the golf course than any of the participating pros.
* Heineman has a point. Instead, we should promote Omaha some place where more visitors can see the ads. How about writing "The Good Life" on orange traffic cones, so tourists can look at them while they're stuck in traffic?
* The Nebraska Legislature delivered a $7.8-billion state budget to Gov. Heineman. The budget was only $56,000 until they added in gas money.
* Sioux City Gateway Airport workers are not thrilled that the acronym of luggage tags heading their way reads "Sioux City SUX." Right away, this creates a challenge for the visitors bureau.
* "Sioux City SUX." If first impressions count, that would make it tough to lure newcomers to town.
* Marcus Theaters at Village Pointe now has a lounge featuring alcohol. Nobody ever again has to sit through an Adam Sandler movie without a good, stiff drink.
* Sarpy County is seeking a courthouse dog to act as a 'calming influence.' These dogs can respond to 40 or 50 commands, which is impressive considering the average U.S. juror can only respond to seven commands.
* According to researchers at the University of Amsterdam, humans are getting dumber -- we've lost 14 I.Q. points since the Victorian Era. That may be conservative. I'm pretty sure I lost 14 I.Q. points just during the two-hour finale of "Dancing with the Stars."
* President Obama is set to deliver a landmark speech on spy drones. Let's hope he doesn't reveal the White House has been using them to track the movements of Us Magazine reporters.
* An IRS official pleaded the fifth in a congressional hearing Wednesday. Go ahead and try that next time you're asked to explain your deductions.
* Michelle Obama's bangs are back. This is an ingenious move by the White House, knowing full well now the media won't have time to cover the IRS scandal.
* North Korea is vowing to bolster its nuclear program. So I look for them to buy a second Super Soaker to launch those missiles.
* North Korea has outlined its terms for possible talks with the U.S. This strikes me as similar to the mouse trying to set conditions right before the elephant steps on it.
* A petition calls on the U.S. to sell Mount Rushmore to help pay down our national debt. You'll know this country is officially in trouble when Mount Rushmore is listed on Craigslist.
* The original Coca-Cola recipe has been located. This is similar to a few months ago, when the "God particle" was found only with a lot more interest from the public.
* According to a new study, Twitter users can be sexist. You combine that with what we already know -- Twitter users are largely shallow, uninformed, self-involved, bitter elitists, and you can see why it's become so popular.