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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.
* The Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus is in Omaha this weekend. You'd think it'd at least wait until the Nebraska Legislature ends its session to avoid a conflict.
* An asteroid the size of nine cruise ships is expected to fly near earth Friday. Not to worry -- NASA is sending Chris "Birdman" Andersen to stiff-arm it.
* The asteroid is nine times the length of a Carnival cruise ship ... and about one-fourth as dangerous.
* An Arizona woman accused of smuggling drugs has been released from custody in Mexico. Now she's free to leave a potentially corrupt, unfair, tyrannical, overly punitive judicial system for the freedom of ... Arizona?
* I learned a lot watching the Scripps National Spelling Bee. Now comes the hard part -- working "graminivorous" and "kaburi" into everyday conversation.
* Odd but true: A United Nations expert has called for a moratorium on "killer robots." This is what happens when you spend Memorial Day weekend watching the "Lost In Space" marathon.
* A teenager may have revolutionized the communications industry by inventing a 20-second phone charger. When I was a teen, I was showing up for my school science fair holding a litter box I made for my bunny.
* Scientists have discovered what makes humans intelligent -- an explosion of white matter inside the brain. Well, that and avoiding the HLN Channel prime-time lineup.
* A minor league baseball team in Greensboro, N.C., uses Labrador retrievers as ball boys. After hearing this, distraught officials at Werner Park cried: "We missed a gimmick!"
* A Penn State football recruit is accused of trying to pass counterfeit money at a McDonald's. He was about to be suspended by the Big Ten, until league officials learned the counterfeit bills carried Jim Delany's picture.
* In a game against the Kansas City Royals, the Cleveland Indians' Lonnie Chisenhall was called out on two strikes. I knew those poor student arithmetic scores were eventually going to impact the country.
* In his new book, Phil Jackson said he once dreamed of spanking Kobe Bryant. OK, here's one postgame locker room scene it would've been fun to watch.