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Brad's afternoon edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* A Council Bluffs woman, fed up with her dead yard, paid $30,000 to install a "synthetic lawn." That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. Now she has no mowing, no applying of fertilizer, no weeds ... no high water bill...On second thought, it's genius.
* Mayor Jean Stothert has now been in office for one week. This is a crucial time for a new mayor of Omaha. It's when Omaha voters typically get that seven-day itch and begin circulating the first recall petitions.
* Omaha Mayor Jean Stothert has now been on the job for a full week. While that may not sound like much, we've had police chiefs and OPS superintendents that didn't last this long.
* Saturday Kim Kardashian gave birth. Which means the world is a slightly worse place today than it was on Friday, seeing as there's now one more Kardashian on the planet.
* President Obama is going to address the NSA scandal this week. Just as soon as aides finish removing all the NSA recording devices from the red phone hotline in the Oval Office.
* This NSA whistleblower, Edward Snowden, has gone too far now with his secret revealing. He just revealed the name of that fifth dentist who doesn't recommend sugarless gum for his patients.
* The new “Superman” movie is No. 1 at the box office. Superman is quite a specimen. He can leap tall buildings, is faster than a speeding bullet and, most impressive of all, finished third at the Tour de France.
* Sergio Garcia was heckled by fans at the U.S. Open in suburban Philadelphia. Garcia was feeling bad until he realized he was in good company, as this is the city that tossed ice balls at Santa.
* Ten members of the U.S. Congress are urging the Washington Redskins to change their name. As dumb as the current Congress has been, I'm guessing they're demanding the team gets rid of “Washington.”
* Holding the 2014 Big Ten baseball tournament in Omaha is expected to boost attendance over the 2013 tournament. I think holding it in Outer Borneo would boost attendance over 2013.
* Major League Baseball suspended eight players and coaches of the Dodgers and Diamondbacks involved in a brawl. I say while the players and coaches are suspended MLB should put 'em to good use and require them to sit in the stands at a Miami Marlins game.
* A transgender MMA fighter who's a woman but used to be a man won her bout against an opponent who entered the ring to “Dude Looks Like A Lady.” I believe all this adds up to the third sign of the apocalypse.