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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel was at UNO on Wednesday. Apparently he wanted to inspect the UNO parking immobilization boot, which is more powerful than any weapon in the Pentagon's arsenal.
* According to a report, Hagel traveled about town in a motorcade with a police escort that stopped traffic for him. We haven't seen that in Omaha since the last time Lady Gaga visited.
* At one intersection, Hagel's motorcade was stopped to allow an LSU baseball fan in a camper to pass. We have our priorities.
* Omaha police are cracking down on ticket scalping around TD Ameritrade Park. Cops say it's illegal to be grossly overcharged, so I'm thinking of taking my property tax bill down to the stadium to show 'em.
* The World-Herald used Gigapan technology to create a 6.61 gigapixel image of TD Ameritrade Park during Wednesday's game. I'll explain how that technology works just as soon as I figure out why my Polaroid camera is jammed.
* Parking is such a nightmare during the College World Series, a free shuttle is running from Midtown Crossing to the CWS. Considering how bad parking is at Midtown Crossing, there should also be a free shuttle running from the CWS to there.
* A new "Superman" movie is in theaters. Even though he's more powerful than a locomotive, even Superman couldn't hit a home run in TD Ameritrade Park.
* I wouldn't say there has been a lack of scoring during the CWS, but the NCAA is thinking of placing a zip line in the outfield to give fans something to do during the seven innings between runs.
* There is so little scoring in the CWS that, from now on, whenever someone hits a home run, the game will be stopped, and he'll be presented a key to the city.
* President Obama is involved in yet a new mini-scandal. During his speech in Berlin on Wednesday, he was watching highlights of Game 6 of the NBA Finals on the teleprompter.
* Speaking in Dublin, Michelle Obama announced, "It's good to be home." Donald Trump immediately demanded to see her birth certificate.
* In Ireland for the G8 summit, Michelle Obama and her daughters, Sasha and Malia, lunched with U2's Bono. This demonstrates the generation gap -- the girls asked Bono if he really knows Selena Gomez.
* N.J. Gov. Chris Christie told a group of schoolchildren that his favorite football team is the Dallas Cowboys. The amazing thing is this happened Tuesday, and he's yet to be impeached.
* A guy in New Jersey announces his favorite football team is "America's Team" in Texas? This amounts to a formal announcement that Christie is a candidate for president of the United States.
* President Obama is said to be making a new effort to placate the media. That explains why, during his last 55-minute press conference, he almost called on a reporter from Fox News.
* Some members of the U.S. Congress say God spoke to them and said to leave House Speaker John Boehner in power. Then God said: "Keep Boehner in power, but do something about that awful tan."
* NSA whistle-blower Edward Snowden has been banned from flights to the U.K. out of concern he could divulge Britain's top secret -- where Prince Harry left his trousers.
* It was announced that Hillary Clinton's new book will be published in 2014. In literary terms, that's three Levi Johnston autobiographies from now.
* Some Republicans have not ruled out impeaching President Obama. Bill Clinton told Obama: "Being impeached isn't so bad, and it'll get you an extra $20k per night on the speakers' circuit."