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This is Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.
* On my Monday morning commute I encountered torrential rain, hail, 70 mph winds, downed trees, lightning, stalled cars and near-zero visibility. Other than that, the drive was seamless.
* The big concern with the heavy rain in Omaha on Monday morning? Pothole flooding.
* There were 74 mph winds Monday morning. If we could get winds of that velocity behind home plate at the CWS, there's a good chance we could see a ball hit out of the infield.
* The weather system that moved through Omaha on Monday morning was terrible. For once KMTV didn't feel stupid about having 19 on-air personalities on its storm team.
* More than 110,000 signatures have been gathered on a petition labeling Edward Snowden a hero. I'm just stunned there are that many signatures on a petition at this time and it has nothing to do with recalling the new Omaha mayor.
* At last report, Snowden may be heading to Cuba. In Havana, he'll be helping the government eavesdrop on citizens using rotary dial phones.
* Snowden flew to Russia; then maybe on to Cuba. He got that "super saver Socialist special."
* I think that entire Nik Wallenda walk across the Grand Canyon was stupid. I turned it off in the middle and returned to watching the Peregrine falcons doing absolutely nothing on top of the Woodmen Tower.
* The Food Network has fired Paula Deen. On the news they showed a forklift removing one of her fried butter and cheese cupcakes from the set.
* The Food Network has fired Paula Deen. While this may seem insignificant, it should increase the average lifespan of Americans by approximately 11 years.
* Later this week, President Obama and his family embark on a family trip to Africa; some are calling it a vacation that reportedly will cost $100 million. Isn't this country $16 trillion in debt? Instead the Obamas should be checking out the Conway Twitty tribute show in Branson.
* President Obama visited a middle school in North Carolina and called for making high-speed Internet connections available to 99 percent of students within five years. Sure, you're never too young to fritter away your day watching stupid cat videos.
* It is reported that several of Obama's appointees have secret email accounts. After hearing this, a former OPS almost-superintendent uttered: “Secret email account! I should've thought of that.”
* Eight protesters were recently arrested outside John Boehner's office. Today, Boehner thanked the protesters for making him feel relevant again.
* CNN's Erin Burnett is expecting her first child. As accurate as CNN has been lately, I'm looking for a retraction in which she announces: “Wait, it's my second child.”
* In a sign of the times, five other networks scooped CNN on the story.
* Fox News has rehired Sarah Palin. I'm trying to confirm that the Obama job creation team said “Well, that's one too many jobs.”
* Palin will be hosting the new Fox News morning show “Moose Hunting With Sarah.”
* Russian President Vladimir Putin is denying an accusation by New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft that he stole Kraft's Super Bowl ring. It's a good thing Dick Cheney's not still vice president or we'd be preparing for war.
* A minor league baseball team in Greensboro, N.C., is using Labrador retrievers as ball boys. How does this make Pete Rose feel? To be told there's no place for him in baseball and then see dogs participating?
* To raise money for charity, LSU football coach Les Miles rappelled down a 24-story building. Two minutes later, Urban Meyer announced plans to rappel down a 25-story building, and then Nick Saban said he's going to bungee jump from the Sears Tower.