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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here for his morning jokes.
* Highs near 100 degrees are forecast for Tuesday. It's so hot, things came to a boil at City Hall even before the mayor and fire chief showed up for work.
* Let me remind fans attending practice rounds for the U.S. Senior Open at the Omaha Country Club: Those are water hazards. NO WADING.
* July 11 is Free Slurpee Day at 7-Eleven to honor the birthday of the Slurpee. This thing gets bigger every year. I crunched the numbers, and, in 29 years, Slurpee Day will be the new Thanksgiving.
* The free Slurpees are going to be bigger this year ... and will be large enough to be seen by the naked eye.
* Four wallabies escaped from their enclosure at the Des Moines zoo. I'm trying to confirm that the wallabies strolling outside the zoo concession caught a glimpse of a 40-foot butter cow heading to the Iowa State Fair and said, "Man, that looks weird."
* Barnes and Noble's CEO has resigned. You combine this with the closure of the Borders bookstores, and Amazon officials said, "OK, our work is almost complete."
* Mariah Carey is reportedly doing fine after being taken to a hospital with a shoulder injury suffered filming a music video. Apparently she pulled three muscles while hitting a high note.
* A 2,300-year-old Mayan pyramid was bulldozed. If a neighborhood Walmart goes up in its place, I may volunteer to be the first citizen to relocate to Mars.
* A new study claims pessimists live longer. That was the latest from The Society of Surprising Studies. I believe next it plans to announce that people who weigh over 500 pounds are healthier and that dumb people score higher on IQ tests.
* Toyota unveiled a tiny, talking robot it designed that will travel to the International Space Station. It's amazing we live in a world where automakers can design a talking robot but can't come up with a full-sized spare tire for your trunk.
* Stacy Keibler has split up with George Clooney. Taylor Swift told Clooney: "Why can't you ever make it work?"
* The Huskers landed tight end Freedom Akinmoladun. Even if he never plays a down at tight end, it'll just be cool having a guy named Freedom carrying the flag into the stadium.
* Terrell Owens did the weather report for a California TV station. Owens had no idea what he was doing trying to forecast weather, so he's just been offered jobs by two Omaha stations.
* In Westminster, Colo., a husband and wife both scored a hole-in-one on the same day. More significantly, this is the first recorded instance of a wife listening to her husband on a golf course.
* At an upcoming game, the Lehigh Valley Ironpigs' Triple-A team is giving away a free funeral. "I won! I won! I won! What'd I win? Oh..."