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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here for Brad's morning jokes.
* Ben Bernanke, chairman of the Federal Reserve, testified before Congress on Wednesday. Experts were hoping that Bernanke's comments go over better than they often do. Any time Bernanke speaks and the result isn't a panic-induced run on the banks resulting in near financial Armageddon, he's done better than usual.
* There's a symmetry to Bernanke testifying before Congress. Twelve-month bank CDs are paying about one-half of one percent, almost exactly the same as the approval rating of the current Congress.
* This was likely Bernanke's last monetary policy testimony before Congress. He's been testifying since 2006. In CNBC terms, that was 125 the-world-is-ending special reports ago.
* The East Coast is being affected by a heat wave. It's so hot in Washington, D.C., President Obama opened a $2,000-per-cup lemonade stand to raise money for the Democrats.
* This fall, President Obama will travel to Russia. Apparently, Obama's so frustrated, he's going to yank Edward Snowden out of that airport himself.
* In Gold Cup soccer, the U.S. men's national team topped Costa Rica, 1-0. In soccer that's called "a scoring explosion."
* According to a rumor, Lady Gaga is getting married. Gaga is planning a low-key wedding. She'll enter the cathedral in a gown with a 40-foot train accompanied by 500 smaller people, and the groom will be shot from a cannon.
* Matt Damon's nephew has set his sights on a Husker football roster spot. The way things have gone the past few years, he'll be edged out by Ben Affleck's nephew.
* There sure were a lot of outstanding players at the Major League Baseball All-Star Game. It takes the Kansas City Royals two years to trade away that much talent.
* A Cleveland Indians fan caught four foul balls in a game. The odds of that? One in a trillion. Coincidentally, that also happens to be the odds of Carly Rae Jepsen ever being invited to throw out another first pitch.
* The San Francisco 49ers' new venue has a name: "Levi's Stadium." Players will take the field through a giant zipper.
* In Ohio, an escaped prison inmate was tackled by a customer at a convenience store. Seeing an inmate tackled, at first I thought it was a Cincinnati Bengals preseason game.
* The obituary of a Cleveland Browns fan requested six players serve as his pallbearers, so the Browns "can let me down one more time." I have nothing to add here.