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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.
* Sen Elizabeth Warren (D, Mass.) said earning record profits off of student loans "is morally wrong." Other members of Congress immediately responded: "What was that word you used before wrong? Morally? That means what exactly?"
* A California representative has called for a boycott of Florida over the George Zimmerman verdict. That's a new low ... when someone from California tells you your jury system stinks.
* A popular YouTube video shows a bride throwing her bouquet while being propelled by a giant human slingshot. I saw a human propelled by a giant slingshot and assumed it was recent footage of the North Korean space program.
* Twinkies recently returned to store shelves, which means those 40-mile long lines of cars visible from the International Space Station had nothing to do with motorists fleeing Tropical Storm Chantal.
* Pop star Rihanna has dyed her hair gray. That's not to be confused with Justin Bieber's mom, manager, agent and publicist, who all went gray virtually overnight unintentionally.
* A city councilman in Britain claims he's fathered a love child with a space alien. Am I the only person who's looking forward to these baby photos more than the ones of the royal baby?
* The new fad to lose weight is putting butter in your coffee. In a country that believes the best exercise is galloping around a park like a horse, this doesn't seem all that stupid.
* A Massachusetts man discovered thousands of dollars inside a dumpster. If you're hoping for a secure retirement, it may time to give up investing in bank CDs and begin dumpster-diving.
* Millard West football star Harrison Phillips is headed to Stanford. Of course college will be a big adjustment. Perhaps the biggest adjustment is that Millard Public Schools spends more money on its football facilities than Stanford.
* At the MLB All-Star Game, the AL held the NL to three hits. In the interest of parity and to increase the entertainment for fans, the commissioner almost ruled that Carly Rae Jepsen pitch the ninth inning.
* NBA star Kevin Durant is engaged. It went better than expected. When they drop to one knee to propose, most NBA players, through force of habit, just flop to the floor.
* Dwyane Wade's son Zaire is "one of the nation's top fifth-grade basketball prospects," according to Yahoo! Sports. Rivals.com ranks Zaire was one of the top athletes to watch who are not yet old enough to cross the street by themselves.
* NFL training camps are beginning to open. I think it'll just be nice to see 150 NFL players assembled in one place that's not a holding cell.