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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* The Iowa State Fair will feature an enormous butter sculpture of Abraham Lincoln. I'd be tempted to make fun if I didn't live in a city that recently erected a 12-foot Fred Funk.
* This week, there was golf-ball-size hail in Omaha and softball-size hail in Kansas. At the rate, we're going soon we'll see a weather report on "hail the size of smart cars."
* Warren Buffett is offering a free online course on how to give your money away. We have something like that in Omaha right now -- it's called "paying Douglas County property taxes."
* Lo Sole Mio, small, family-run Italian restaurant near South 32nd and Oak Streets, is being audited to see if it's in compliance with the restaurant tax. To solve our budget problems, this is part of Omaha's new "Operation: Target The Little Guy."
* Of course Lo Sole Mio is Italian for "leave us alone."
* An Ellisville, Mo., man is suing the city after he received a ticket for flashing his headlights to warn of a speed trap. If you flash your headlights to warn of every speed trap in Missouri, you'll have Carpal tunnel syndrome by the time you reach the Arkansas state line.
* Another reason to stay off Missouri highways. I believe this is No. 789.
* The "other woman" in the new Anthony Weiner sex scandal has been identified as Sydney Leathers. I'm just sorry the relationship didn't work out -- because I feel New York City is ready for a First Lady named Sydney Leathers-Weiner.
* Snoop Lion asked, "What kind of crazy name is Sydney Leathers?"
* Sydney Leathers appeared on "Inside Edition." Actually, all of the women Weiner purportedly chatted with are going to appear on one show. I believe it's "48 Hours."
* Weiner now admits there were "six-to-10" women altogether. This is sort of like the financial disclosures members of Congress are required to make -- you just round it off. "I'm worth between $1.2 million and $3.9 million." "I chatted with between six and 10 women."
* Weiner joins Eliot Spitzer in running for office in New York City. At this rate, any day now, Gary Hart will declare he's a candidate for City Council.
* Tropical storm Dorian is moving through the Atlantic. Dorian sounds like a guy who was rejected on season five of "The Bachelorette."
* Jenny McCarthy is joining "The View" because she appeared many times on the show as a guest. You don't know how close we came to new "View" host Barack Obama.
* I was thinking about the royal baby. This is one lucky guy, but not because of the wealth, privilege and opportunity to grow up in Buckingham Palace. I'll sum up why the baby is lucky in three words: "Uncle Prince Harry."
* According to a new study, you can't rely on the accuracy of seven-day weather forecasts. I believe the study was a joint effort by the Tell-Me-Something-I-Don't-Already-Know Foundation and the You're-Preaching-to-the-Choir Association.
* A dog that went missing in Los Angeles three years ago has been found in Florida. Here's the interesting thing -- people are so nutty in Florida, the dog assumed he was back in California.