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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.
* My weather forecast for the state of Nebraska: excruciating heat and humidity. I'm basing this forecast solely on the fact that the Nebraska State Fair and the Cox Classic are both under way.
* Let's hope the Champions Run fairways are in better shape than last year, when the course could have been used to film "Lawrence of Arabia II."
* Microsoft stock surged eight percent after Steve Ballmer announced he's retiring in the next year. In a desperate ploy, Microsoft plans to keep Ballmer and have him announce he's leaving the company every Friday.
* President Obama wrapped up yet another bus tour Friday. Vladimir Putin's best shot at getting a one-on-one with Obama may be to disguise himself as a bus driver.
* Lady Gaga debuted a new look. This is her most shocking new look since the day before yesterday.
* At least one movie theater has refused to show "Lee Daniels' The Butler" because Jane Fonda co-stars. That almost makes me wish that Adam Sandler had once taken a controversial position against a war.
* Scientists in the U.K. have developed a new cellphone that charges on human urine. This alone is reason to be glad we won our independence from Great Britain.
* An Ohio State University poll says men think about sex 19 times per day and women 10. Because it’s Ohio State, both sexes think about a Buckeye RB diving off tackle for the winning score vs. Michigan 100 times per day.
* LeBron James appears to be done with Team USA. This comes after the powers-that-be refused to change its name to "LeBron James’ Team USA."
* The undefeated 1972 Miami Dolphins just visited the White House. I realize the federal government moves slow, but this is ridiculous.
* ESPN has purchased the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl. I believe this is to furnish ESPN employees with an insanity defense for their various upcoming trials.
* Not a lot of competition to buy that bowl. ESPN had to outbid the Food Network.
* Tim Tebow posted a 0.0 passer rating in an exhibition game. In a related story, if he can get his next game rating up to a 0.5, ESPN is planning a three-part Tebow special called "The Comeback Kid."