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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here for Brad's morning jokes.
* The heat index was expected to reach 105 on Tuesday. It's so hot, Omahans are looking forward to Mayor Jean Stothert giving Fire Chief Mike McDonnell the cold shoulder one final time.
* "Retiring" Fire Chief McDonnell will receive a pension of $10,900 per month. The first check will be presented by Robin Leach of "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" fame.
* I am shocked that McDonnell is stepping down. Mostly, I'm shocked that this didn't happen two minutes after Mayor Jean Stothert took office.
* Elton John will perform at Lincoln's Pinnacle Bank Arena in November. After Miley Cyrus' performance at the MTV Video Music Awards, it'll just be nice to see somebody who knows how to wear a flesh-colored bikini onstage.
* If you missed the VMAs, picture a prom in Sodom and Gomorrah.
* Keith Olbermann’s new show, “Olbermann,” premiered Monday night on ESPN2. At some point, this will be like the VMAs, only more chaotic and senseless.
* There were several UFO sightings reported Sunday night. I've got news for you -- if beings from another planet came here and saw the VMAs, they’re not coming back.
* A zoo in China tried to pass off a dog as an "African lion." You know you’re attending a lousy zoo when the lion barks.
* For the first time at Memorial Stadium, there will be a free bike valet. No word if this is one of Barney Cotton’s new responsibilities.
* There are plans to make a movie based on the life of Kurt Warner. Because Warner was an NFL player who didn’t drink or chase women and was never arrested, it will be considered a science-fiction film.
* KISS has bought an Arena Football League team to be based in Los Angeles. It’ll be the first football team where the crazy, shirtless guys with face paint in the stands are the owners.