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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.
* Congress is reportedly evenly divided over strikes on Syria. No surprise there. I'm not sure we could get 51 percent of the members of Congress to vote that today is Tuesday.
* 64-year-old long-distance swimmer Diana Nyad swam from Cuba to Florida. Her two biggest concerns: being bitten by jellyfish and run over by off-course Carnival cruise ships.
* Nyad swam approximately 103 miles without a shark cage. I actually plan to start swimming inside a shark cage on holidays at Platte River to avoid being rammed by air boats.
* "Gilligan's Island" debuted on Me-TV on Labor Day. It's about time someone got the idea to re-run some of those old episodes.
* On Labor Day, E! aired a nine-hour "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" marathon. Dear viewers who watched all nine hours: Health experts predict you should stop hearing whining in your head by 2017.
* There is a popular online photo of a dog's butt that supposedly looks like a Teletubby. Who says the Internet is lacking in intellectual appeal?
* Just when you think your kid is wasting his time on the Internet, think again -- he may be studying the dog's butt that's a Teletubby doppelganger.
* In Tully, Australia, police are searching for a man who destroyed a karaoke machine with a shovel. It's unclear if they want to incarcerate him or award him a medal.
* A “secret” spy satellite has been launched from a U.S. rocket. So it sounds like Bill Belichick is preparing for the 2013 NFL season.
* I saw a headline that read: “Mark Sanchez Likely Not Ready To Play Week 1.” So that means he's starting, right?
* I wouldn't say the Iowa football team got off to a rough start, but Ashton Kutcher was spotted in a Minnesota jersey.
* South Carolina kicker Elliott Fry took the field in a misspelled jersey reading “Carolin.” Man, these education cuts are worse than I thought.
* Joe Girardi addressed the Alabama football team. Girardi was set to address Auburn, but it may have been awkward when he realized the Auburn players earn more than the Yankees.