Breaking Brad: It was a crazy game of poker - Omaha.com
Published Wednesday, September 4, 2013 at 2:37 pm / Updated at 11:21 am
Breaking Brad: It was a crazy game of poker

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.

* While the U.S. Senate debated intervention in Syria, Sen. John McCain was caught playing poker on his iPhone. If a senior, revered-in-many-quarters senator like John McCain is playing poker, what are we going to see when the House debates Syria? Freshmen representatives twerking?

* If Sen. John McCain is playing poker, are we going to see the junior representative from Arkansas fumbling around with a Slinky?

* The Husker football team dropped from No. 18 to No. 19 in the USA Today coaches poll. Well, because it's USA Today, instead of a poll, it's actually a big, eye-catching, colorful chart, featuring a feel-good smiley face.

* The new cast of "Dancing with the Stars" was announced Wednesday. Big shake-up this season. There's actually one celebrity who's been in the news in the past decade.

* The new cast of "Dancing with the Stars" was revealed Wednesday on "Good Morning America." If anyone conducts a poll comparing the number of Americans paying attention to news out of Syria vs. those paying attention to the announcement of the new "Dancing with the Stars" lineup, please, I don't want to know the results.

* A record-setting, 727-pound alligator has been caught in Mississippi. So, it sounds like someone's preparing to do a little tailgating outside the Huskers-Southern Miss game on Saturday.

* The Iowa football fan who tried to run on the field with a blood-alcohol content of .341 later tweeted about it. Oddly, even though her blood-alcohol content was four-times the legal limit, she was one of the more rational people tweeting.

* There's an explanation for why Chicago tap water tastes weird lately -- Zebra mussel feces at the bottom of Lake Michigan. Attention Omaha Chamber of Commerce searching for a campaign theme to keep Omahans from moving to Chicago: This could be the big mother lode.

* Zebra mussel feces has affected the drinking water. All of a sudden, Florida doesn't seem so bad.

* Actually, hearty folk like Chicagoans won't let a little thing like this affect 'em. A Chicago resident finds a little Zebra mussel poop, he'll slap some cheese on there and stick it on a pizza.

* A new survey is out on how often single men change their bed sheets. Without getting into specifics -- you're familiar with the frequency that Halley's Comet appears? Well, it's not as often.

* Simon Cowell is the father of a new baby boy. Cowell was present in the delivery room, where he spent his time criticizing the obstetrician.

* After watching film of the Wyoming game, Bo Pelini said he “felt pretty good.” I haven't been this puzzled by reaction to a film since that Adam Sandler movie was No. 1 at the box office.

* Maria Sharapova considered temporarily changing her name to Maria Sugarpova to highlight a brand of gummy bears she promotes. How about changing your name to something less stupid -- say, Maria Ochocinco?

* Kobe Bryant toured China. That makes sense. Sending Kobe to a nation with a billion people increases the odds of him finding one he likes.

Also from Brad: Congress to vote on Syrian intervention ... in a few years

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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