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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* It’s reported that a UFO was photographed over Lincoln in early September by the Lincoln ABC affiliate. Imagine if it had landed in the Nebraska Legislature and reported to the mother planet that there’s no sign of intelligent life on Earth?
* A hunter claims to have found Bigfoot tracks in the Loess Hills outside Council Bluffs. This is the second potential Sasquatch sighting in our area since July. It’s clear we need to find Bigfoot and have him anchor the Husker defensive line ASAP.
* Some fans left the Husker-UCLA game early. To put this in perspective, remember, this is a school used to the entire crowd standing in a blizzard shouting “Dee-fense!” with two minutes left in 69-0 wins over Kansas.
* Tentative plans are being made for the first Nebraska gubernatorial debates. Forget that: give us what all Nebraskans want instead: a Tommie Frazier-John Papuchis debate.
* Here’s a sentence I never thought I’d type: I’m glad Nebraska doesn’t play Akron this season.
* After Bigfoot tracks were found outside Council Bluffs, I’m just happy Channel 7 didn’t preempt the Husker game.
* The Air Force B-17 bomber made an appearance in Council Bluffs over the weekend. Sounds like they’re serious about capturing Bigfoot.
* The average time in Sunday’s Corporate Cup 10K in Omaha was 1:05.52. With all the road construction in town these days, you can’t drive six miles in an hour and five minutes.
* Millard Public School students have been told that skimpy attire is not acceptable at football games. Millard realized it had a problem when somebody streaked at a game and nobody noticed.
* Some students have been wearing Speedos to football games. Kids, a quick lesson from someone who’s a little older. You know where Speedos are acceptable? Nowhere.
* Omaha’s credit rating has been downgraded. This is awful. If this works out like when the U.S. credit rating was downgraded, the impact will be ... well ... I guess it’s not that bad.
* Beginning Monday, Dodge Street traffic is restricted to two lanes from 29th to 52nd Streets. This is basically what’s known as “traffic Armageddon.”
* At this point, the only way things in town could get much worse is if city traffic engineers begin heaving the orange barrels through our windshields.
* The city was going to suggest some alternate routes, but those are all closed too.
* This year’s Miss America Pageant was back on ABC. Because it’s ABC, instead of “contestants,” all the women were referred to as “bachelorettes.”
* There were 51 contestants in the Miss America Pageant. So it‘s sort of like the Nebraska governor’s race.