Breaking Brad: Where is there not road construction in Omaha? -
Published Thursday, September 19, 2013 at 10:29 am / Updated at 10:59 am
Breaking Brad: Where is there not road construction in Omaha?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* Now that the Bo Pelini audiotape saga appears over, maybe an entire state can stop obsessing over Husker football and get back to normal. Wait a second -- this entire state obsessing over Husker football is normal.

* Twitter users won't consider the matter closed until Fake Shawn Eichorst, Faux Harvey Perlman, Not Tom Osborne and Fake Bo Pelini all weigh in.

* A judge has upheld Nebraska's ban on indoor smoking. So, if you see smoke indoors, it's probably coming from the ears of Harvey Perlman or Shawn Eichorst.

* Bo Pelini has "an idea" who leaked the tape. It was someone with an agenda to make Pelini look bad. The Association of Big 12 Football Referees?

* The new UNO arena's cost has increased $11.6 million; on Friday, UNO leaders go before the Board of Regents to ask for approval of the increase. The big concern is members of the Board of Regents getting double hernias from laughing so hard.

* On, there is a map of road maintenance work in Omaha. It's just a map of Omaha with the entire city highlighted.

* Creighton University is conducting a two-year study of e-cigarettes. Creighton was chosen after its groundbreaking study of "How many overpriced lattes can college basketball fans consume in one half?"

* It's reported that supposed Bigfoot tracks found in the Loess Hills may belong to a deer or a human. I feel sorry for the hiker who goes home, turns on the news and sees that his footprint may be mistaken for that of Sasquatch. "Honey, I told you that you have big feet."

* The new "Dancing With the Stars" cast is not so famous. Let's face it: The NSA couldn't identify several of these people.

* Sen. John McCain has written an op-ed for Pravda. Pravda was originally going to publish McCain's op-ed on Tuesday, but of course bumped it for coverage of the Bo Pelini audiotape.

* Pravda has been called the Russian version of The New York Times. Now, McCain is working on a colorful pie chart for the Russian version of USA Today.

* New York's Attorney General has sued Trump University. This will have zero impact on Commissioner Jim Delany's plan to invite Trump University to join the Big Ten to increase revenue.

* President Obama has penned an essay for People magazine on fatherhood that I cannot wait to read. Because it's in People, I will read it, just as soon as I'm in my dentist's waiting room in five months.

* Because President Obama's essay is in People, hopefully we will finally get an answer to that all-important question: boxers of briefs?

* Obama has called for bipartisanship in Congress. This is sort of reminiscent of when Obama called for sending a man to Mars, only more challenging.

* I believe this is Operation: Pipe Dream.

* It looks like the latest vote on Obamacare may be delayed. Sure, that's because Congress is still debating Eisenhowercare.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Sioux City riverboat casino prepares to close, still hoping to be saved
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Mizzou alumni aim to attract veterinary students to Henry Doorly Zoo
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Party looks to 'nudge' women into public office in Iowa
For birthday, Brownell-Talbot student opts to give, not get
Sole big donor to Beau McCoy says he expects nothing in return
Two taken to hospital after fire at Benson home
Grace: Pipe organ concert a tribute to couple's enduring love
Omaha-area jails and ERs new front line in battling mental illness
Convicted killer Nikko Jenkins might await his sentence in prison
Kelly: 70 years after a deadly D-Day rehearsal, Omahan, WWII vet will return to Europe
Civil rights hearing to consider voting policies in Midwest
Firefighters battle brush fire near Fontenelle Forest
17 senators in Nebraska Legislature hit their (term) limits
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Financial picture improving for city-owned Mid-America Center
No injuries after fire at midtown's old Mercer Mansion
29-year-old Omahan arrested for 22nd time in Lincoln
Police: Slaying of woman in Ralston apartment likely over drugs
Explosion near 29th, Woolworth damages vehicles
Omaha police arrest man, 19, accused in March shooting
Earth gets its day in the sun at Elmwood Park
Beau McCoy strikes Obama doll in TV ad; Democrats are not happy
Keystone XL pipeline backers blast 'political expediency' as foes hail ruling to delay decision
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The main speaker at today's Ivy Day celebration at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln is a college president who grew up roping calves and earned her Ph.D. at the prestigious Oxford University in England.
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Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
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