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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.
* Monday Night Football features the Oakland Raiders at Denver. Of course, the big question: Can Raiders fans adjust to breaking the law at altitude?
* An actress from "Nurse Jackie," Merritt Wever, won an Emmy and gave an 11-word acceptance speech. How fast can we elect her to Congress?
* You're familiar with the Emmys? It's the awards ceremony where the jewelry is real and the people are fake.
* The people at the Emmys made Miley Cyrus look overdressed at the Video Music Awards.
* Pope Francis denounced the idolatry of money. I believe the rebuttal is at 6 p.m. on CNBC.
* “Building Hope” is the theme for the current school year in Westside Community Schools. I believe the OPS theme is: “Anybody know who's superintendent?”
* Either that or, “A full inch of snow? Cancel school.”
* The president of Iran wrote an op-ed for the Washington Post in an attempt to improve relations with the U.S. The Iranian president still doesn't get it. He said unless the op-ed gets 20,000 views online, he's gonna start taking hostages.
* Sen. John McCain is feuding with members of the Los Angeles Dodgers. With the government on the brink of shutting down, trouble in Syria and a historic debate over Obamacare, at least members of the Senate are focusing on what really matters.
* There were long lines outside Apple stores all weekend to buy the new iPhones. The best thing is, after purchasing an iPhone, you can go to the back of the line and wait to purchase the new model that will replace it in a few weeks.
* Oklahoma State boosters allegedly paid football players. Did you ever think there'd come a day when Oklahoma is the cleanest program in the state?
* Oklahoma State players were allegedly paid for a summer job where all they did was fish. Players at Alabama, Auburn and Georgia said, “And the problem is ...?”
* According to a report, Rex Ryan, in pregame remarks to his team, once threatened to punch Bill Belichick in the face when they met before the game. This sounds like the first NFL pregame show I'd be interested in watching.
* Fortunately, Belichick overheard the remarks on the hidden mics he keeps in the visitors' locker room and didn't go to midfield.