This is my new advice column. It's about, ugh, whatever. Send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Or don't. I really don't care.
I'm in the market for a new TV, something big and shiny. Any recommendations?
Dear Noob Tube, (Sigh/eye-roll)
The first thing you need to ask yourself is, Do I really need a new TV? Or better yet, Do I need a TV at all?
There are so many better things you could be doing with your time. Riding your bike. Going to some shows. Designing pants made out of discarded Entertainment Weeklys.
I challenge you to find one TV program that's worth more than an impromptu mandolin performance in front of your favorite coffee house or the supreme pleasure of starting your own rooftop garden.
Say no to the tyranny of mainstream consumer culture and say yes to living a meaningful life.
Any good dining recommendations?
Dear New Eats,
I've maybe got a place for you, I don't know. It's an alternative seafood experience located in an alley behind the dumpster adjacent to the intersection of 60th and that one street. In an attempt to not be tied down by branding, the owners decided to forgo naming the place.
It's got a diverse menu. My personal favorites are the Spackled Cod Offal with Squid Chips, but I'm also fond of the Macadamia Nut Crusted Trout Tower. That comes with a side of Stuffed Sockeye Salmon Kisses.
One thing to note: The place doesn't take credit or debit cards or checks. American currency will suffice, but the restaurant prefers an exchange of found street items or miniature industrial art. On Live Poetry Tuesdays, you can get a free platter of Midland Shrimp if you bring a poem about a time you were disappointed.