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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.
* I have a solution to solve the government shutdown. Let's lay off everyone in Congress and call in a bunch of temps. They should have it settled by noon tomorrow.
* Now Congress has to settle the debt ceiling debate by Oct 17. Congress. These are people who normally can't decide on a Halloween costume until Nov. 2.
* Here's the latest on the progress in the government shutdown: None. Nada, Zip. Zilch. Nothing. Zero. Goose eggs. Nil. Only, it's worse than that.
* The Plains have been hit by some heavy snow storms. You know it's bad in South Dakota when the snow reaches Abe Lincoln's nose.
* On AOL, Mark Cuban just dispensed advice to American investors. Don't you think it'd be a better idea to wait until his insider trading trial is over?
* NASA is searching for dangerous asteroids hurtling toward Earth. If one is found, due to government cutbacks, the government's gonna send Kenny Bell to grab it with one hand.
* President Obama is getting involved in the Washington Redskins mascot controversy. If this works out, Obama may even get involved in the federal government shutdown.
* Omaha lightweight boxer Terence Crawford fought on HBO on Saturday night. It was confusing. People heard about “lightweights fighting” and assumed it had something to do with the debt-ceiling debate in Congress.
* Chinese doctors successfully grew a human nose on a patient's forehead before it was transplanted to his nasal region. Look for Republicans to misuse the photo of the nose in the forehead as an example of what can go wrong under Obamacare.
* A human nose was growing from a forehead. I wasn't expecting to see this until the Cher concert at Pinnacle Bank Arena.
* Adobe revealed that one of its servers was hacked. Users are urged to watch for anything unusual. You mean like going one entire hour without getting a prompt to update Adobe?
* An Alabama assistant strength coach was placed on paid leave for loaning money to safety HaHa Clinton-Dix. I'm not surprised they were found out. Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a low profile cashing a check when your name is HaHa Cliinton-Dix?
* A high school football coach in Utah suspended his entire team – all 80 players. Because it's Utah, 60 players have the support of their wives.
* Milwaukee Brewers suspended slugger Ryan Braun is calling season ticket-holders to say he's sorry he used PEDS. I doubt Braun is sincere. The last 2,000 fans got robocalls.
* I was just thinking that if football games were three quarters instead of four, Tomy Romo would go down as one of the greatest quarterbacks in history.
* The Kansas City Chiefs are 5-0. Instead of CBS, their next game is on the Syfy channel.