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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* There are lane restrictions on 132nd Street north of West Maple Road for several days due to sidewalk repairs. This may be the only city where lanes are closed and traffic clogged so sidewalks can look bright and shiny.
* According to a new environmental report, the global climate will be “radically different” in 2047. I think I speak for all Omahans when I say: What have we got to lose?
* According to Omaha TV meteorologists, there is a zero percent chance of rain on Thursday. So you may want to bring an umbrella.
* I thought it was great the way they announced that the House had passed a vote to end the partial government shutdown. House Speaker John Boehner thrust both fists in the air and shouted: “Lee Terry can still pay his mortgage!”
* It looks like we finally have an agreement in Washington, D.C. Of course the “D.C.” stands for “Dummies Compromise.”
* Good news: Congress reached a deal to keep the government open until January. Bad news: Congress plans to be on recess that entire time.
* Furloughed employees can return to work and the U.S. can meet its debt obligations. More significantly for Americans: The National Zoo panda cam is back on!
* It's time for the nonstop bickering, name-calling and verbal cheap shots in Washington to end and for things to return to normal. Wait, bickering, name-calling and verbal cheap shots are normal in Washington.
* The New York Times reports that House Republicans kicked off their closed-door meeting on Tuesday with a rendition of “Amazing Grace.” I would've suggested something more fitting for House members. Say, “Send in the Clowns.”
* After voting to end the partial shutdown, senators applauded each other. I've seen reality stars more in touch with their public image.
* After the decision to reopen the government was reached, President Obama took a group out for a celebratory $15,000-per-plate dinner.
* I wouldn't say the deal to end the shutdown was one-sided, but the GOP elephant is now running errands for the Democratic National Committee.
* Early next winter, we're probably going to go through the same thing all over again. That's not even enough time to sign up for Obamacare.
* The cutbacks in Washington are brutal. Yesterday, Obama was spotted playing miniature golf.
* Now that the government has reopened, President Obama is likely to focus on immigration matters. This means he's hoping to have Ted Cruz deported.
* I'm glad he's chosen something where Democrats and Republicans are sure to see eye-to-eye.
* According to a new study from the Public Policy Institute, Americans have a lower opinion of Congress than they do of dog poop, hemorrhoids and cockroaches. I think I speak for all Americans when I say it's worse than that.
* The poll found Americans prefer toenail fungus to the current Congress. That's only because toenail fungus could have avoided a debt-ceiling default faster.