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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
I've decided on my Halloween costume. I'm going to cover myself in mud & go as the Gene Leahy mall.— Brad Dickson (@brad_dickson) October 21, 2013
* At the Ak-Sar-Ben Coronation and Scholarship Ball on Saturday night, a new king and queen of Quivira were crowned. They are an auto mechanic from a local Jiffy Lube and a cocktail waitress at a South Omaha tavern ... just kidding.
* The king and queen of Ak-Sar-Ben are strictly ceremonial positions and perform no actual work or have any real responsibility. So it's like serving on the Omaha City Council.
* The Ak-Sar-Ben Ball was at the CenturyLink Center, and a zombie walk was held in Benson. I feel sorry for the guy who got confused and showed up for the Ak-Sar-Ben Ball dressed as a zombie.
* A reward has been offered for the return of 150-pound cast-iron dinosaur monument stolen from a front yard in Council Bluffs. It's unclear if it was taken by thieves or Keep America Beautiful.
* A new coin in Britain honoring Prince George has gone into circulation. This is the difference between the U.S. and Britain. In the U.S., to get your picture on a coin or bill, you must accomplish tremendous deeds; in Britain, if you're born into the right family, you just have to belch and poop into a diaper.
* It's bad enough that President Obama blames a lot of our problems on the George W. Bush administration. But now Obama is blaming issues with the Obamacare website on Al Gore for inventing the Internet.
* Reportedly, 467,000 people have attempted to sign up for Obamacare. I'd like to congratulate Roy of Sioux Falls and Sarah from San Diego as the only two people to navigate the website and complete the sign-up process.
* It's reported that 467,000 Americans have applied for Obamacare. Either that, or five Americans have attempted to sign up 467,000 times.
* The Obamacare website is referred to as the ACA site. Of course that stands for “Absolutely Can't Access.”
* To make matters worse, when you call tech support to report a problem with the U.S. Affordable Care Act Website, the phone is answered by some guy in India.
* Saturday night in the Rose Garden, President Obama hosted the wedding of the official White House photographer. Because Obama hosted the wedding, the rehearsal dinner was $5,000 per plate.
* President Obama plans to nominate a new Homeland Security chief. Obama is so enamored of celebrity that the two finalists were the actress who stars in “Castle” and Detective Munch from “Law and Order.”
* Sarah Palin said, “Doesn't it seem like we have a corrupt bastards club in D.C.?” Of course, as every U.S. voter knows, “corrupt bastard” is a euphemism for “elected representative.”
* Palin is right – there is a corrupt bastards club in Washington, D.C. I believe there's a 25-year waiting list to join.
* Good news for many: The Boston Red Sox have advanced to the World Series. Not so good news: Their beards are coming with them.
* On College GameDay, Bill Murray tackled Lee Corso. In a sign of the times, a humorless NCAA ref ran onto the set and ejected Murray for targeting.