Dear Annie: My husband and I are in our mid-30s and happily married. We have sex almost every night. Here's the problem: I found out this past summer that my husband is kinky. I saw him smelling my worn lingerie, as well as our teenage daughter's and my mother's. What makes a man want to do this with women's clothing? I've never heard of women smelling men's shorts. Is this normal?
A Dumbfounded Wife
Dear Dumbfounded: Your husband is turned on by the scent of worn women's underwear. This is not an uncommon fetish. As long as everything else in your marriage and sex life is good, we wouldn't worry too much about this, although you should insist he limit his fetish to your undergarments and leave his daughter's and your mother's alone. It's creepy.
Dear Annie: My boss has become a good friend. We eat lunch together most days and sometimes meet up after work. She is smart, fun, kind and generous. But she can't stand it when others compliment me.
She gets angry if anyone comments on my clothing or hair. A man in our office once said I “look nice today,” and she practically bit his head off, saying it's rude to comment on a woman's appearance in the presence of another woman. I recently got my hair cut, and she's made enough nasty little barbs for me to know she doesn't like it. That's OK. I am not so childish or insecure that I need everyone to like my hair. I'm happy with it, and that's enough. But another woman in our department jokingly said to our boss, “How do you like your 'new' assistant? Doesn't she look sexy with that haircut?” My boss walked off in a huff.
What can I do to stop this behavior? My husband says she is jealous, but there is no reason for that. I don't believe I look any better than she does. We are similar in age, height and weight. I would never be rude to her and don't understand why she wants to hurt me. She gets defensive when criticized, so I'm hesitant about opening this can of worms. Any suggestions?
Need a Thicker Skin
Dear Need: Your boss could be jealous, which doesn't need a rational cause, or she could be extremely possessive and not want others to notice you in a way that might divert your attention from her. As your boss, she should not be putting you in a position where you are afraid to speak up. Since you consider her a friend, the next time this happens, casually mention that her reaction gives the appearance that she's jealous. Then change the subject. She may deny it and even be angry, but it might have the desired effect if it makes her examine her behavior more closely.
Dear Annie: “Awaiting Your Help” is upset that a friend is bringing her husband to the monthly girls' night out. I wish my friends had welcomed my husband to these evenings. While I was sharing good times with my girlfriends, my husband was out meeting women from the Internet in seedy motels.
He gave me two sexually transmitted diseases before I found out. He appears to be a great guy on the surface, but underneath, he's a slime ball who has lied and cheated for years. I no longer go to girls' night out. My friends hate my husband and will not come to my house. I've joined a support group, but I miss my friends. My social life consists of a weekly trip to the grocery. I am sad and miserable.
Please let your friend bring her husband to your nights out. Otherwise, he might find another form of entertainment.
Not Living the Dream
Dear Not Living: Why are you still with this lying, cheating slime ball? Get counseling, and if nothing changes, get out.
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