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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* An estimated 25 million Americans are expected to fly over the 12-day Thanksgiving holiday period. Since when does Thanksgiving last 12 days? Your distant, out-of-town relatives pull up. “We know Thanksgiving is 12 days now; unfortunately, we can only stay 11.”
* The Omaha Fire Department had until noon on Friday to reduce the size of the paramedic class. That's according to Mayor Ultimatum. I mean, Mayor Stothert.
* Mayor Jean Stothert gave the Fire Department until noon on Friday to reduce the size of the paramedic training class. She is tough. Last weekend, Stothert ordered workers at City Hall not to move the clocks back an hour so noon comes 60 minutes earlier.
* The last time someone issued an ultimatum with a noon deadline, it was Wyatt Earp. “Be out of town by high noon...”
* Husker fans are preparing to invade Michigan's Big House that holds over 109,000 people. Not only will the game probably be exciting, but also being packed into a venue that holds 109,000 will prepare us for shopping at Target on Black Friday.
* Some Husker fans plan to wear faux Jordan Westerkamp mustaches on Saturday. We've gone from “Nebraska: The Good Life” to “Nebraska: What's That Thing On Your Lip?”
* Miley Cyrus is bringing her “Bangerz” tour to Omaha on March 6. It's controversial because one city has already said the tour violates its standards of decency. And that city is Sodom and Gomorrah.
* A man in Marshalltown, Iowa, is accused of stealing merchandise from a sporting-goods store after dropping off a job application. I don't care how good your references are...
* I can picture that phone call. “Yes, we've reviewed your application and while you meet most of our criteria, we've decided to pass because you robbed us.”
* A Homer, Neb., woman won a $1 million Powerball lottery. I'm happy to report she is the proud new owner of Homer, Neb.
* The Twitter IPO rocketed 73 percent the first day. I think executives are getting cocky. You know that little blue bird that serves as the Twitter logo? It's now defecating on the Facebook logo.
* Russia launched the Olympic torch to the International Space Station, and it took six hours to get there. It look me longer to fly Southwest from Eppley to St. Louis.
* President Obama apologized to Americans for the Obamacare rollout. If you missed his apology Thursday, Obama will also be apologizing on “The View,” “The Tonight Show,” “Letterman” and probably “The Talk,” if that's still on.
* President Obama called Joe Biden “one of the best vice presidents in our history.” What does that mean? Biden shoots par and wears a nice suit to funerals?
* Sen. Rand Paul is accused of plagiarizing from Wikipedia. What gave him away were the 2,000 footnotes at the end of his column.
* I say, if members of the current Congress want to plagiarize from people who know what they're doing, what have we got to lose?
* Donald Trump recently called for Edward Snowden to be executed. It's unclear if this will help Trump in the presidential race, but he's the surprise frontrunner to be the next governor of Texas.