* * * * * * * * * *
Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.
* Over the weekend the world's greatest contortionist performed at Pinnacle Bank Arena – wait, that was Pink.
* Onstage at the MTV Europe Music Awards in Amsterdam, Miley Cyrus smoked what appeared to be a marijuana joint. Where did she think she was, Boulder?
* At the MTV Europe Music Awards, Miley Cyrus twerked with a dwarf and appeared to smoke a joint onstage. I've never missed Elvis and the Beatles more than I do right now.
* And you thought those tickets for Miley's March 6 Omaha concert were gonna be overpriced. Where else are you gonna find that type of entertainment?
* Miley won best video for her hit song "We're Surely Nearing The Apocalypse," I mean, "Wrecking Ball."
* The Miss Universe pageant aired over the weekend. The surprise winner was from Jupiter. Just kidding.
* At "Miss Universe" there's no talent required. The winner is selected based purely on appearance and a short interview. Sort of like last week's U.S. elections.
* Richie Incognito broke his silence on Fox Sports and announced that he is a good person. The guy interviewing him, Jay Glazer, immediately ducked under a table in case of a lightning strike.
* Last Thursday, Obama apologized for saying that Americans could keep their current health care plans if they liked them. While he was in apology mode, Obama went on to say he was sorry most members of the current Congress were ever born.
* A new study claims that judgment declines with age. Instead of by Congress, our next debt-ceiling debate should be decided by a vote of any middle school drama club.
* Footage of a spectacular Mars flyover is available for viewing online. Americans are too busy watching the YouTube video of the baby burping in the cat's face to care.
* JK Rowling is writing a new Harry Potter-inspired movie script. I believe the film will be called: “I Want The Rest of Your Parents' Money.”
* Everyone is talking about the Twitter IPO. Frequent Twitter users: “IPO? I'm pretty optimistic? No, wait. IPO. It's perfectly original?”
* Twitter stock jumped 73 percent in its market debut, led by investors who are obviously unfamiliar with Fake Demi Lovato and Not The Real Carrot Top.
* There is a website called Grandparents.com designed to appeal to Internet savvy users over 75. This should attract a customer base of two.
* One of the “Real Housewives of New Jersey” is getting a spinoff show that could lead to other “Real Housewives” spinoffs. Isn't this how the SARS epidemic started?
* The new GoDaddy Super Bowl ads are reportedly going to be less sexy than in years past. The goal is to meet the decency standards in at least three states.
* After a soccer player in the nation of Tajikistan scored twice to beat his hometown team, his water and electricity were cut off for five days. Philadelphia Eagles and Houston Texans fans: “Why didn't they cut the gas, too?”