Breaking Brad: What is this Nebraska Crossing Outlets? -
Published Thursday, November 14, 2013 at 10:25 am / Updated at 10:51 am
Breaking Brad: What is this Nebraska Crossing Outlets?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* In one month, only 26,794 Americans signed up for Obamacare on HealthCare.Gov. To put that in perspective, in the past month, 28,000 Americans reported seeing Big Foot.

* In that same time period, 29,000 Americans signed up for new Friendster accounts.

* In October, only 338 Nebraskans signed up for private insurance via HealthCare.Gov. Contrast that with the 339 Nebraskans who filed papers to run for governor.

* On the first day, six Americans were able to sign up for Obamacare on the website. At the current rate, all Americans who need health care will be enrolled the same day we colonize Saturn.

* Two candidates announced they are seeking Nebraska Legislature seats in the Omaha area. One candidate is 23 and the other 71. Normally, that age gap is only seen when a new king and queen of the Ak-Sar-Ben Coronation Ball are crowned.

* Nebraska Crossing Outlets opens for business Friday. Couldn't someone have publicized this?

* Nebraska Crossing Outlets has received massive publicity. Students who can't name the vice president of the United States can list every factory outlet store at Nebraska Crossing.

* The 85-year-old mayor of Thompson, Iowa, won re-election despite the fact he died two days earlier. OK, our habit of re-electing incumbents is officially out of control.

* A dead man was re-elected. Lee Terry: “You can do that?”

* Here's the worst part: The deceased mayor will likely accomplish more during this term than anyone in the U.S. Congress.

* Kmart officials announced their stores will open at 6 a.m. on Thanksgiving. “Attention Kmart shoppers: Do any of you know the true meaning of Thanksgiving?”

* Remember when Mom used to get up early on Thanksgiving to put the turkey in the oven? Now, she's rising early to engage in hand-to-hand combat over discount sneakers in a giant bin at Kmart.

* The Orlando Magic's Glen “Big Baby” Davis apologized for throwing a Travelodge computer keyboard across a motel lobby. I'm pretty sure he was trying to sign up for Obamacare at the time.

* The White House's chief technology officer testified before the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee on Wednesday about the Obamacare website. He almost didn't get to testify -- he was stuck in his car for two hours after forgetting how the door handle worked.

* Bill Clinton called on the Obama administration to honor its pledge to let Americans keep their health-care policies. This was either spoken from the heart or, more likely, marked the formal launch of Hillary's 2016 campaign for the Democratic nomination against Joe Biden.

* According to reports, the NSA monitored 60 million calls in Spain. Spain? What were we trying to learn? About time changes for the Running of the Bulls?

* Sen. Ted Cruz's father recently made some “inappropriate remarks.” Cruz has an embarrassing family member. Maybe he's qualified to be president after all.

* A Texas Tech paleontologist claims to have discovered how life began. Because it's Texas, officials told him: “Get back to us when you've designed a formation that can average seven yards on first down.”

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

Teen killed at Gallagher Park was shot in head as he sat in SUV, friend who was wounded says
PAC funded by Senate candidate Ben Sasse's great-uncle releases Shane Osborn attack ad
Nikko Jenkins found guilty of 4 murders
High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
Attorney: Man accused of trying to open plane's door needs psychiatric evaluation
49-year-old sentenced to 40-50 years for attempted sex assault of child
Brothers looking for pot sentenced for violent home invasion
At Boys Town panel, experts stress it's never too early to educate children
Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Gov. Heineman calls 2014 a 'very good year for Nebraska taxpayers'
Ex-Iowan behind landmark free speech case recounts story in Bellevue
Arrest made in teen's shooting death at Benson's Gallagher Park
Section of 50th Street to close for bridge demolition
Rather than doing $250K in repairs, owner who lives in lot behind 94-year-old house in Dundee razes it
Plans for new $16M YMCA in Council Bluffs at 'critical juncture'
Woodmen request would take nearly $40M in valuation from tax rolls
With fixed AC, Fort Calhoun's nuclear station ends brief shutdown
Windy day could make driving difficult on east-west roads
Richard Brown steps down as Charles Drew Health Center CEO
OPD safety expo set for April 26
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Crew working to disassemble International Nutrition plant
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
18-year-old arrested in stolen-car case
U.S. Senate candidate Bart McLeay trails his 3 GOP rivals in fundraising
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Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Jessica Lutton Bedient was killed by a drunken driver at age 26 in 2010. Thursday, the widowed husband and other family members will gather with others at the University of Nebraska at Omaha to dedicate a permanent memorial to Jessica.
Breaking Brad: How much would you pay for a corn dog?
The Arizona Diamondbacks have a new concession item: a $25 corn dog. For that kind of money, it should be stuffed with Bitcoin.
Breaking Brad: Pothole repair crew gets stuck in a pothole
In East Lansing, Mich., a pothole repair crew got stuck inside a pothole. How did this not happen in Omaha?
Breaking Brad: What do the moon, Colorado senators have in common?
How about that "blood red" moon Monday? It was as red as the eyes of a Colorado legislator.
Breaking Brad: Hey, Republicans, are you ready to be audited?
A quick list of audit red flags: 3) You fail to sign your return. 2) You fail to report income. 1) You are a registered Republican.
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