Breaking Brad: Who's ready to drive straight into a ditch? -
Published Thursday, November 21, 2013 at 11:24 am / Updated at 3:51 pm
Breaking Brad: Who's ready to drive straight into a ditch?

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* This is the time of year thoughts turn to who knows when you've been good and when you've been bad, who knows when you are sleeping and when you're awake. But enough about the NSA.

* We have our first winter forecast for Omaha. In the event of heavy snow, Nebraska Crossing Outlets' shoppers are preparing teams of sled dogs in order to get to the factory outlet goods.

* Omaha is preparing for its first snow. Plows are sitting idle, no treatments are being applied to roads and motorists are practicing steering into ditches.

* One forecast says Omaha will receive 1-6 inches of snow on Thursday night. Well, I'm glad they could narrow it down.

* Omahans always have trouble driving the first time it snows. And the 29th time. And the 50th time. And the...

* Nebraska Crossing Outlets is giving away a new Range Rover, for which the winner will be announced at noon on Christmas Day. I'm sorry, that is sacrilege. At noon on Christmas Day, families should be huddled around the TV watching an NBA game.

* An Omaha man has been reunited with his motorcycle that was stolen 46 years ago. Remember when we used to have stories over the holidays about reunions of separated families? Now, we get a guy getting back with his Triumph.

* I have my plans for Thanksgiving. I'm going to stay home and give thanks I'm not stuck in the Kmart checkout line.

* There is a controversial new Kmart commercial showing a group of men dancing in their boxers. What ever happened to Bing Crosby and “White Christmas”?

* Rep. Trey Radel (R-Fla.) pleaded guilty to cocaine possession. He claims he was just trying to further relations with Latin America.

* I knew something was up Monday when he introduced that “medicinal coke” bill.

* Radel “knowingly” possessed cocaine. If so, this would be the first time a member of the current Congress knowingly did anything.

* NASA launched a satellite made by high-school science students into outer space. When I was that age, I was trying to figure out how to turn on a Bunsen burner.

* An MSNBC host apologized for criticizing Sarah Palin. If every MSNBC host who has criticized Sarah Palin apologizes, it should take us through man landing on Mars in 2023.

Want more Brad? Scroll through his author archive here.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

State Department moves to delay Keystone XL pipeline decision
Omahan charged in fatal shooting in Benson neighborhood
Friday's attendance dips at Millard West after bathroom threat
High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
Crack ring's leaders join others in prison as a result of Operation Purple Haze
High court denies death row appeal of cult leader convicted of murder
Haze in area comes from Kansas, Oklahoma
Man taken into custody in domestic dispute
Omaha judge reprimanded for intervening in peer attorney's DUI case
Intoxicated man with pellet gun climbs billboard's scaffold; is arrested
Police seek public's help in finding an armed man
Saturday forecast opens window for gardening; Easter egg hunts look iffy on Sunday
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Last day of 2014 Legislature: Praise, passage of a last few bills and more on mountain lions
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
A voice of experience: Ex-gang member helps lead fight against Omaha violence
Church is pressing its case for old Temple Israel site
OPPD board holding public forum, open house May 7
The thrill of the skill: Omaha hosts statewide contest for students of the trades
A recap of what got done — and what didn't — in the 2014 legislative session
When judge asks, Nikko Jenkins says ‘I killed them’
Nancy's Almanac, April 17, 2014: Trees save money
'The war is not over,' Chambers says, but legislative session about is
PAC funded by Senate candidate Ben Sasse's great-uncle releases Shane Osborn attack ad
Teen killed at Gallagher Park was shot in head as he sat in SUV, friend who was wounded says
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Breaking Brad: Stuck in a claw machine? You get no Easter candy
I know of one kid in Lincoln who will be receiving a lump of coal from the Easter Bunny, just as soon as he's extricated from that bowling alley claw machine.
Breaking Brad: Mountain lion season's over, but the bunny's fair game!
Thursday was the last day of a Nebraska Legislature session. Before leaving town, legislators passed a bill to hold a lottery to hunt the Easter Bunny.
Breaking Brad: At least my kid never got stuck inside a claw machine
We need a new rule in Lincoln. If your kid is discovered inside the claw machine at a bowling alley, you are forever barred from being nominated for "Mother of the Year."
Breaking Brad: How many MECA board members can we put in a luxury suite?
As a stunt at the Blue Man Group show, MECA board members are going to see how many people they can stuff into one luxury suite.
Kelly: Creighton's McDermotts put good faces on an Omaha tradition
A comical roast Wednesday night in Omaha brought fans of Creighton basketball laughter by the bucketful. This time it was McJokes, not McBuckets, that entertained the Bluejay crowd.
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