Breaking Brad: Turkey, turkey, turkey, Taylor Swift -
Published Friday, November 29, 2013 at 9:59 am / Updated at 7:03 pm
Breaking Brad: Turkey, turkey, turkey, Taylor Swift

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

I had an interesting Thanksgiving. After watching three NFL games on TV, two college football games and the Creighton men's basketball game at 10 p.m., I sat up just after midnight and remembered: I forgot to take the turkey out of the refrigerator.

The Gene Leahy Mall Holiday of Lights ceremony went well up until the time that three elves drowned in mud.

Of the Holiday Lights Festival, Mayor Stothert said: “There's something for everyone.” There's holiday music, lights. Ice skating...OK, I'm still waiting. Something for everyone...

I called the Butterball Hotline on Thursday morning and somehow enrolled in Obamacare.

Helmet? Check. Knee pads? Check. Forearm pads and mouthpiece? Check. OK, I'm ready to go to the mall.

At Walmarts around the country, fights reportedly were breaking out on Black Friday. The line continues to blur between holiday shopping and a WWE cage match,

The “comet of the century” fizzled on Thanksgiving. Even comets can't have a successful flight over Thanksgiving.

There were something like five 5K runs in the Omaha area on Thanksgiving Day. Well, four 5K runs. The last one was a group of people chasing a turkey.

There were nine pies on the White House Thanksgiving menu. If there was any doubt about Chris Christie running for president before...

There's a winter storm back East. Right now Thanksgiving air travel can mean long delays, passengers sleeping in airports, mass chaos; so it sounds like things are getting back to normal.

President Obama pardoned the White House turkeys. Then, he reiterated the Johnny Rodgers pardon.

I'm sorry, but we are conditioned to eat too much on Thanksgiving. During the Green Bay-Detroit Lions game fans were spotted gnawing on their cheeseheads.

Holiday shopping is underway. Black Friday is basically the American version of the Running of the Bulls.

Thanksgiving is that wonderful time of year when dysfunctional families gather to eat overpriced meat, gain weight they don't need and annoy one another nonstop.

The speakers at the Holland Center speaker series include poet Maya Angelou and Mama from “Duck Dynasty.” I know I often confuse those two.

Archeologists in Israel have uncovered the ruins of an ancient city dating back to 14th Century BC. It looks a lot like downtown Lincoln before the makeover.

I saw an online headline: “Who AOL users Want to be President.” The answer: Herbert Hoover. Just kidding, AOL.

At a gala in London, Taylor Swift sang a duet with Prince William. Apparently next year at the American Music Awards after every single award is given to Swift there are plans to have the Queen walk out and knight her.

Swift, Prince William, Jon Bon Jovi sang a song together. Actually, it was Swift, Bon Jovi, Prince William and Barbara Walters until someone said “Ms. Walters - please. Leave.”

Is it a good idea to expose Taylor Swift to the royal family? The odds are 50/50 she's dating Prince Harry by the end of the week.

At least 15 handwritten letters written by Jackie Kennedy are set to be auctioned off. Attention, young Americans: “handwritten letters” were a means of communication in this country before the invention of the emoticon.

A recap of what got done — and what didn't — in the 2014 legislative session
PAC funded by Senate candidate Ben Sasse's great-uncle releases Shane Osborn attack ad
Teen killed at Gallagher Park was shot in head as he sat in SUV, friend who was wounded says
When judge asks, Nikko Jenkins says ‘I killed them’
New UNO center strengthens ties between campus, community
Threat found in Millard West bathroom deemed 'not credible'
New public employee pay data: Douglas, Lancaster, Sarpy Counties, plus utilities
Nebrasks health officials to advertise jobs via drive-thru
Coral Walker named Omaha police officer of the year
'The war is not over,' Chambers says, but legislative session about is
Sarah Palin, Mike Lee coming to Nebraska for Ben Sasse rally
Prescription drug drop-off is April 26
Database: How much did Medicare pay your doctor?
Rather than doing $250K in repairs, owner who lives in lot behind 94-year-old house in Dundee razes it
NB 30th Street lane closed
State Patrol, Omaha police conduct vehicle inspections
Bernie Kanger formally promoted to Omaha fire chief
U.S. House incumbents have deeper pockets than their challengers
Nancy's Almanac, April 17, 2014: Trees save money
Ex-Iowan behind landmark free speech case recounts story in Bellevue
Gov. Heineman signs water bill; sponsor calls it 'landmark legislation'
Senate candidate Shane Osborn to include anti-tax activist Norquist in telephone town hall
Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
High school slam poets don't just recite verses, 'they leave their hearts beating on the stage'
Attorney: Man accused of trying to open plane's door needs psychiatric evaluation
< >
Kelly: Creighton's McDermotts put good faces on an Omaha tradition
A comical roast Wednesday night in Omaha brought fans of Creighton basketball laughter by the bucketful. This time it was McJokes, not McBuckets, that entertained the Bluejay crowd.
Breaking Brad: At least my kid never got stuck inside a claw machine
We need a new rule in Lincoln. If your kid is discovered inside the claw machine at a bowling alley, you are forever barred from being nominated for "Mother of the Year."
Breaking Brad: How many MECA board members can we put in a luxury suite?
As a stunt at the Blue Man Group show, MECA board members are going to see how many people they can stuff into one luxury suite.
Kelly: New $24M UNO center embodies spirit of newlywed crash victim
Jessica Lutton Bedient was killed by a drunken driver at age 26 in 2010. Thursday, the widowed husband and other family members will gather with others at the University of Nebraska at Omaha to dedicate a permanent memorial to Jessica.
Breaking Brad: How much would you pay for a corn dog?
The Arizona Diamondbacks have a new concession item: a $25 corn dog. For that kind of money, it should be stuffed with Bitcoin.
Deadline Deal thumbnail
Dr. Welbes Natural Health Clinic
$129 for 2 LipoLaser Sessions with Additional Complimentary Services ($605 value)
Buy Now
< >
Omaha World-Herald Contests
Enter for a chance to win great prizes.
OWH Store: Buy photos, books and articles
Buy photos, books and articles
Travel Snaps Photo
Going on Vacation? Take the Omaha World-Herald with you and you could the next Travel Snaps winner.
Click here to donate to Goodfellows
The 2011 Goodfellows fund drive provided holiday meals to nearly 5,000 families and their children, and raised more than $500,000 to help families in crisis year round.
Want to get World-Herald stories sent directly to your home or work computer? Sign up for's News Alerts and you will receive e-mails with the day's top stories.
Can't find what you need? Click here for site map »