Breaking Brad: Stella Artois coming to Atlanta Braves concession stands - Omaha.com
Published Tuesday, December 3, 2013 at 12:01 am / Updated at 12:11 pm
Breaking Brad: Stella Artois coming to Atlanta Braves concession stands

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.

* The FAA is developing a plan for drones to fly across the U.S. without delays and significant problems. Hey, if this works out maybe the FAA can come up with some kind of plan for commercial airlines to fly without significant problems.

* Vice President Joe Biden is leaving on a trip to China. Sure, if you think there's a chance you're going to be the next president of the United States, first thing you want to do is get in good with our owners.

* Biden is leaving on a trip to deal with China, and President Obama is embarking on a three-week campaign to sell Americans on Obamacare. Of the two, I think the president has the tougher task.

* On CNN, reporter Chris Cuomo interviewed his brother, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo. You know it's a softball interview when half the questions begin: "Hey, remember the time that Mom ..."

* The most popular name for baby boys in 2013? Jackson. The most popular name for baby girls? Sophia. If you don't know a single Jackson or Sophia, there's an excellent chance you're over 40.

* On "60 Minutes" Sunday night, Jeff Bezos revealed that Amazon is working on a plan to deliver items via drones. Isn't Thanksgiving air travel slow enough without being stuck on the tarmac so a drone carrying Chia cats can take off?

* Members of the tea party have decided on a Christmas goal: deporting every single elf back to the North Pole.

* Scientists have discovered what killed King Tut in 1323 BC. Apparently, King Tut was run over by a chariot. HLN announced that if there's a trial, it will provide “gavel to gavel coverage.”

* Scientists have discovered what killed King Tut. An American public used to watching “CSI” said: “I can't believe they didn't discover this in 60 minutes, minus commercial interruptions.”

* During the Seahawks-Saints Monday Night game, Seahawks fans got so excited after a touchdown run that they caused a minor earthquake. That's when you know you have a home-field advantage – the fans cause an earthquake.

* The coach can never criticize fans for not being loud enough.

* I'm just surprised that after the guy returned the missed field goal 109 yards to beat Alabama, Auburn fans didn't cause a tsunami.

* On Saturday, college football featured multiperson brawls or near brawls in both the Ohio State-Michigan and the Georgia-Georgia Tech games. If I wanted to see that I'd have gone to Walmart.

* The governor of Ohio issued a proclamation banning use of the letter “M” on the day Ohio State played Michigan. I'm just glad that rivalry hasn't degenerated into silly antics.

* The governor of Ohio banned the letter “M.” Ohio State players were getting permanent tattoos read “Beat ichigan.”

* Former Pittsburgh Steeler star Hines Ward competed in a triathlon. Ward actually won the event after clothes-lining the 300 competitors who were faster than him.

* The Atlanta Braves are moving to wealthy Cobb County. Out is the Tomahawk Chop. In: the polo mallet swing.

Contact the writer: Brad Dickson

brad.dickson@owh.com    |   402-444-1019    |  

Brad comments in a funny way on topical events in the news and the wide world of sports.

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