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* “Jeopardy!” is holding auditions in Omaha this weekend to select our best and our brightest. Think of it as a Nebraska Legislature election in reverse.
* Here’s how the “Jeopardy” auditions will work — with all the road closures and detours in Omaha, if you can find the studio, you’re in.
* Early Friday morning eastbound and westbound lanes of Interstate 80 near 60th Street were closed after a semi-trailer lost a load of granite. Omaha roadways are now officially the world’s biggest obstacle course.
* MUD announced that in January the cost of water and gas would go up. One more rate increase and Omaha will be known as “The Home of the 40-Second Morning Shower.”
* MUD spelled backwards is DUM. Just thought I’d point that out. Means nothing.
* I’m beginning to think MUD is trying to make life difficult for Omahans. Not only are rates increasing, but you gotta pay by Bitcoin.
* It’s freezing cold in eastern Nebraska. Bo Pelini is actually disappointed he’s no longer on the hot seat.
* For the cold weather, Pelini blamed the media.
* On Sunday the Creighton and Nebraska men’s basketball teams play. This is the second biggest local rivalry right after Bo-lievers vs. Bo-leavers.
* At a 5K run in Papillion this weekend up to 100 runners may be dressed as Santa Claus. Now how confusing is this gonna be for small children?
* President Obama is scheduled to light the National Christmas Tree on Friday evening. Only Obama is not calling it a Christmas tree. No, it’s a “Holiday, secular, gender-less, growth unit.”
* In a sign of the gridlock in Washington, Sen. Ted Cruz is planning to filibuster for 6 hours to delay the tree lighting.
* All week I’ve had the same recurring nightmare. An Amazon drone drops a holiday fruitcake through the roof of my home.
* A family in Australia set a new Guinness World Record by stringing up over a half million Christmas lights. That’s 31 miles worth. Which, coincidentally, is how far I’d move away if I lived next door.
* Traffic engineers around the country are now treating roads with a solution called cheese brine to melt ice. Cheese brine? I’m pretty sure this is the same stuff you drink the night before a colonoscopy.
* China is preparing a mission to the moon. Which would be a huge story if only this was 1969.
* President Obama just appeared on the MSNBC show “Hardball.” Secret Service agents took notice of a loud, possibly manic, seemingly unstable man. Then someone pointed out that was host Chris Matthews.
* “60 Minutes” correspondent Lara Logan has taken a leave of absence. Of course the immediate impact is this raises the median age of “60 Minutes” correspondents from 42 to 73.
* The Duchess of Cambridge and Prince George just made a rare public appearance. I’m not sure where but I’m ruling out “Big Money Bonanza Week” on “Wheel of Fortune.”
* The Duchess of Cambridge took Prince George out for a quiet stroll. It was just Mom, baby, a quiet woods and Barbara Walters and the 90-person TV crew trailing them.
* A new water slide is being built in Kansas City that is 17 stories high and sends you downhill at about 60 mph. I’ll bet kids can’t wait to ride that! To go on the slide first you have to climb 264 stairs. OK, I guess kids won’t be going on it after all.
* The water slide is 17 stories tall. There are peregrine falcons nesting at the top.
* It’s 17 stories tall and sends you downhill at 60 mph. Two Wallendas said they’re afraid to go on it.
* It’s called “Verruckt” the German word for “insane.” Instead I’ll be looking for that other ride that’s the German word for “safe.”