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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.
* If anyone finds the lottery ticket I dropped outside the Gretna Speedee Mart, please contact me immediately.
* A lucky Powerball buyer in Gretna will share a $122 million Powerball jackpot. Here's one person who doesn't have to wait for bargains at Nebraska Crossing Outlets.
* The number of Americans to sign up for Obamacare has passed the one million mark. This sounds impressive until you realize that about two million Americans signed up for the course "How To Survive a Zombie Invasion."
* A Georgia woman was found stuck to a Home Depot toilet after a "prankster" coated it with superglue. Are we sure it was a prankster? It could have been a Black Friday shopper determined to beat the competition to the marked-down big screens.
* You know holiday shopping is out of control when a lady with a toilet lid stuck to her backside is racing through the aisles to scoop up bargains.
* Whenever you're having a bad day, think of the lady stuck to a Home Depot toilet for hours and know things could be worse.
* Police are calling the perpetrator a "prankster." "Insane nut-ball" may be more appropriate.
* Major League Baseball voted to ban home-plate collisions, beginning in 2014. MLB is now slightly less physical than Black Friday shopping.
* Pittsburgh Steelers Head Coach Mike Tomlin has been mentioned as a potential candidate for the head-coaching job at the University of Texas. That's Texas' new strategy to win the Big 12: have the head coach block the opponent's kick returners.
* Carolina Panthers DE Greg Hardy listed his alma mater as Hogwarts in Sunday Night Football introductions. Then, an hour later, Hogwarts accepted an invitation to play in the Gildan New Mexico Bowl.
* On Christmas Day, NBA players will wear sleeved uniforms. Some think that NBA players always wear uniforms with sleeves. Nope, those are tattoos.
* The NHL signed a $5.2 billion deal with Canada's Roger Communications. To provide some perspective on the importance on hockey to our north, I believe the Canadian GNP is $5.1 billion.