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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.
* On TV, I saw an expert suggest Americans lower their heating bills this winter by turning down their thermostats. My question: How many years of training does an expert need to undergo to acquire this level of proficiency?
* The temperature in all 50 states dropped below freezing this week. Still, Mother Nature has a higher approval rating than Congress.
* A Bellevue woman set a world record by eating a 72-ounce steak in two minutes, 44 seconds. Then she ate the dessert cart.
* I think I took her to the junior prom.
* The largest cities in Ohio are making a play to host both major political party conventions in 2016. The main selling point: Compared to the Ohio State football program, the Democrats and Republicans won't seem all that corrupt.
* Britney Spears has a new album out. Remember when Britney was shocking? Now, compared to Miley Cyrus, she's Debbie Gibson.
* There are plans for an updated "Miracle on 34th Street" movie. In this version, Rex Ryan manages to keep his job after the 2013 season.
* South Carolina's Jadeveon Clowney has declared for the 2014 NFL Draft, where he hopes to be selected by a team in a city with a 90-mph speed limit.
* The NBA has distanced itself from Dennis Rodman. The NBA didn't even do that when one of its players married a Kardashian.
* Today is the Baseball Hall of Fame's inductee announcement day. Or, as it's formally known around Pete Rose's house: Wednesday.
* A man filed a lawsuit in federal court that claims Super Bowl tickets are too expensive. After this, I'd like to see him go after Gator Bowl tour packages.
* Tim Tebow nearly picked the exact score of the BCS National Championship Game. He was off by one point. That's roughly 47 points closer than the predictions of an average analyst before a big game.