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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.
* Two new Walmarts open in Omaha on Wednesday. At the current rate, eventually the entire city will be several huge Walmarts connected by a series of water main breaks.
* As Omaha Walmart openings go, that's actually a slow day.
* The new Walmarts are attempting to capitalize on a growing consumer group: "People who don't want to give their credit-card information to Target."
* Walmarts in Omaha are springing up faster than baby rabbits in the spring.
* There was a chance of freezing fog in Omaha on Friday. I believe that's when fog creates a permanent, impenetrable shield over the city. Planes won't be able to take off or land.
* A Bellevue mom set a world record by eating a 72-ounce steak in 2:44. Bellevue officials may want to erect a sign that reads "Home of a World Record-Holder" without being too specific.
* How awkward is it when this Bellevue mom tells her kids to chew their food slowly?
* New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie fired one of his top aides. In a desperate attempt to stay in the public's good grace, Christie then tried to fire Kathleen Sebelius.
* According to reports, Dennis Rodman's whereabouts are "currently unknown." Hey, let's not look for a gift horse...
* My question: How does a 6-foot-7 African-American with bleached hair, nose rings and about 50 tattoos disappear in North Korea?
* I saw an online video of "The Bachelor" Juan Pablo singing a One Direction song. This sounds like the worst thing in the history of mankind.
* Hillary Clinton has been named the "Most Admired Woman in America" for the 12th consecutive year. Oprah is demanding a recount for the seventh consecutive year.
* "Wolf of Wall Street" set a record for 'F-word' usage at 506. I'm going out on a limb to say the movie will never be recommended by the Parent Advisory Council.
* "WOWS" used the F-word 506 times. I'm trying to confirm that Bo Pelini and Ozzy Osbourne walked out in disgust.
* Ameer Abdullah will return to Nebraska for his senior season. After hearing this, Bo Pelini is in such a good mood, he may tweet @FauxPelini again this weekend.
* Before the Outback Bowl, Iowa and LSU players collectively consumed over 5,000 pounds of food. If they were playing in the Chick-fil-A Bowl, the Chick-fil-A cow would be missing a leg.
* Colts punter Pat McAfee was fined for tweeting a photo of a naked Andrew Luck from the locker room. I don't blame him. What else does a Indianapolis punter have to do during a playoff game against the Chiefs?