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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.
* Congress recently passed a $1.1 trillion spending bill. To put this into perspective, the governor of Nebraska could buy two planes with that kind of money.
* The Mars rover Opportunity celebrates its 10-year anniversary Friday. It was only supposed to work for only a few months, but it's lasted 10 years. That's opposed to the Affordable Care Act website, which was supposed to work for decades and has functioned properly for about 47 minutes.
* At the National Zoo, the baby panda Bao Bao has been "melting hearts." Better up your game, Bao Bao; you're about to be replaced by a penguin named Peyton Manning.
* I had the worst nightmare last night: I had to carpool to work with Justin Bieber, Lindsay Lohan and Ndamukong Suh.
* Bieber's 38-year-old father was supposedly present, watching the drag race. I think we have a winner in the Most Dysfunctional Family contest.
* CNN aired a special report on Justin Bieber. Remember when CNN used to cover violent coups and State of the Union addresses?
* It turns out CNN is trying to get in good with Bieber in hopes he'll egg Sean Hannity's house.
* The federal government may lift the cellphone ban on airline passengers. Why don't they just go all in and make it mandatory for every passenger to carry a crying baby?
* There's concern a Super Bowl ad for Butterfingers may be too "raunchy." After seeing Bar Refaeli kiss a nerd last year, I think that's pretty much impossible.
* Too raunchy for a Super Bowl ad? This is a platform that regularly features defecating horses.
* Juco defensive tackle Terrell Clinkscales switched his commitment from NU to Kansas State. The good news for Husker fans: The team has approximately 102 other junior-college recruits lined up and ready to go.
* The league is considering drastic alterations to the NBA Draft. I'm guessing that means selecting an American-born player older than 19 in the first round?
* How about that commercial where Colin Kaepernick's bus is pelted with eggs? Justin Bieber has gone too far this time.
* Chicago's new mascot, Clark the Cub, does not appear to be wearing pants. Five seconds after his debut, the commissioner fined him.
* Breaking news: Scientists have identified the one football coach on the planet yet to turn down the Cleveland Browns.