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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* It's been a cold winter, which obviously leads to an increase in heating bills. The other day, a MUD guy read my meter. As he left, I'm pretty sure he was skipping down the driveway.
* An enormous glacier in Greenland has been moving at a record pace of 150 feet per day. You think this has been a rough winter in the Midwest? Around 2092, this thing should roll into Wisconsin.
* TGIF, which this week in Omaha stands for "Thank Goodness I didn't Freeze."
* This may help. There are approximately 147,600 minutes until spring arrives.
* It's starting to look a lot like spring. By that I mean the city has plowed most of the side streets.
* Two new Brakes Plus stores are set to open in the Omaha area. This is just in case any Omaha commuters decide to use their brakes while speeding over snow.
* Mayor Jean Stothert has left town on a family vacation, and the four finalists for new fire chief were announced. I'm told the two events are likely unrelated.
* Peyton Manning the penguin has posted on Facebook. This will put Omaha on the map. We're henceforth know as "the city that follows Facebook posts by a penguin."
* Fifty years ago Friday, the Beatles arrived in the U.S. for the first time. It's depressing to think we've gone from John, Paul, George and Ringo to Miley Cyrus twerking on a wrecking ball.
* There was a Bigfoot sighting in New Jersey. Well, it turned out to be Joe Namath leaving the Super Bowl.
* My old boss Jay Leno has left "The Tonight Show." Jay is looking forward to spending more time with his loved ones: the '54 Bugatti, the '69 Lamborghini, the 1934 fire truck...
* Jay tried to claim that because the groundhog saw his shadow, that meant he gets to host for six more weeks.
* The Sochi Winter Olympics are a little different. Instead of a gold medal, winners will be presented with a pair of blue jeans and a dozen rolls of toilet paper.
* Sixty-five world leaders are in Sochi. To keep track of them, the NSA bugged the luges.
* President Obama travels to East Lansing, Mich., Friday to sign a farm bill. It's official: If Obama can't come to Nebraska to sign a farm bill, he's never coming.
* President Obama has named a new NSA director. There will be a formal ceremony later where the new guy is presented with the private cellphone number for the leader of Liechtenstein.