Dear Annie: My girlfriend of two years has just asked whether we should move in together. I am currently living with my parents, so we would be living at her place.
I’m not sure how to respond to “Dayna’s” request. I don’t want her to think I don’t like her. But at the age of 27, I still wet the bed. Whenever I am at Dayna’s place, I never let myself fall asleep for fear of soiling both her mattress and our relationship. I always find a reason to leave before morning. How do I broach this subject with her?
Dear Bedwetter: Childhood enuresis that persists into adulthood often runs in families. (Adult-onset enuresis may be a result of diabetes, sleep apnea, urinary tract infections and neurological disorders.) First, see your doctor to find out whether you can get this under control. Discuss medications and exercises to increase bladder capacity. Limit your beverage intake so you aren’t drinking past late afternoon. Alcohol and caffeine can aggravate the condition.
You are under no obligation to move in with Dayna regardless of the reason. But this issue is likely to come up at some point in the future, so you should work on the conversation you will need to have. It is important that you be honest, that you make it clear that you are working on it (which you should be) and that you will take precautions so she is not inconvenienced. We hope she will care enough about you to be understanding.
Dear Annie: I need some advice as to whether I should report a neighbor to our local sheriff or state police. He wears a loaded revolver on his hip all the time, and I don’t know whether he has a permit to carry.
This neighbor frightens me. He once said, “Nobody fools with me,” and then patted the gun. None of my neighbors likes or respects this man. I have yet to meet a single person who speaks well of him. He is weird and scary.
My concern is that this potential crackpot could go bananas and shoot someone. I would feel terrible if there was something I could have done to prevent a tragedy. What should I do?
-- Concerned Neighbor in Pennsylvania
Dear Concerned: Being “weird and scary” does not prevent your neighbor from obtaining a license to carry a gun in your state. This is a problem with people who have no prior evidence of mental illness, but who may, in fact, be mentally unbalanced. We have no way of knowing whether they will shoot up a school or a post office until they do. If you suspect your neighbor does not have a valid license, you can report him to the police and ask that it be checked out. Otherwise, there’s not much you can do but keep an eye open for signs of increased agitation, major depression or out-of-control behavior.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Less Generous,” who sent presents to the grandkids and made casseroles for the neighbors, but never received a thank-you of any kind. Forget them. They are ungrateful people.
Instead, give your gifts and energy to people who will appreciate them. Visit nursing and care centers. Spend money on toys for kids in hospitals. Give to the needy. A lot of nice people would be thrilled to receive a casserole. Help those who are grateful. It gives you a warm and fuzzy feeling. You can still send a card to the ingrates if you want to.
-- H.S. in Omaha, Neb.
Dear H.S.: Giving to those in need is always a good alternative. Thanks.
Dear Annie: After reading “North Carolina” and “Less Generous,” I realized that we have become too busy to say thank you.
Children raised by loving, considerate parents have no time for them; grandchildren don’t visit grandparents or acknowledge gifts. I fear that decency and values are slowly leaving the younger generations. If changes aren’t made, it will be a sad world to live in. The future is up to them. May those who still possess good manners be a significant influence on their peers to prompt change.
-- Parent in Connecticut