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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Nebraska finished third in the nation in Gallup well-being survey. I'm not sure what criteria was used, but we can probably rule out “consistency of weather.”
* Nebraska's pioneer heritage will be commemorated on a quarter that will feature an old wooden house and a water pump bracketed by ears of corn. The big concern is it'll be mistaken for Jon Bruning's campaign logo.
* Bill Clinton's March 20 appearance at the Ralston Arena has been canceled. Not to worry, if Hillary Clinton runs for president you'll get a chance to see Bill during his 749 appearances in Iowa.
* A record 2,225 competitors ran up 40 flights of stairs at the First National Tower in Omaha in the Trek up the Tower. If there's ever a “Trek down the Tower,” count me in.
* West Omaha is getting a Blatt restaurant. This after owners of the Blatt downtown noticed that during the College World Series the line to get in often stretched to west Omaha.
* At the state fairgrounds in Des Moines, a couple was married at a bacon festival. The groom said, and I'm not making this up, that his bride will be second only to bacon in his life. I give the marriage three months.
* She's one in a million. That's how many women would stand for being second to bacon.
* Inside the home of the world's most wanted drug kingpin, authorities found an escape tunnel under the bathtub. That would come in handy now that it's Girl Scout cookie season.
* Sen. Rand Paul has been accused of plagiarism again. I think he's worth electing as president just for the State of the Union speeches that begin: “Four score and ...”
* President Obama's chief economic adviser was interviewed in USA Today. Obama's top economic adviser chose the paper because he learned everything he knows about economics by studying a USA Today pie chart.
* Sunday night at the White House, President Obama hosted the nation's governors. For fun, Obama aides left New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie stuck in a line of cars out front all evening.
* Charles Barkley interviewed President Obama on TNT. Twenty-five Fox News reporters who can't get interviews with Obama said, “What?”
* On NBC's “Meet The Press,” Mitt Romney said Bill Clinton's actions should not be held against Hillary Clinton. Whereupon the NBC host stopped the show to carry Romney around the room on his shoulders singing, “For He's a Jolly Good Fellow.”
* Texas Republican gubernatorial candidate Greg Abbott campaigned with rocker Ted Nugent. Compared to the Texas GOP, Nugent actually seemed like a moderate.
* New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio and “Today Show” weatherman Al Roker have been embroiled in a feud. I think we have a winner in the “Dumbest Political Feud” of 2014 contest.
* More than 3 million car seats have been recalled. Parents, no matter how tempting it may be, make sure you remove your screaming child from the car seat before returning it.
* The FDA is launching an anti-smoking campaign. I had to double-check that this wasn't a headline left over from 1972.
* The nation of Belarus is upset after CNN referred to a war monument there as looking constipated. I can't imagine getting upset over his trivial insult – no, wait, I actually can.