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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.
* Peyton Manning will speak at a sports banquet in Omaha and meet with our chamber of commerce. Shouldn't this meeting have taken place on Valentine's Day?
* I understand the chamber of commerce is preparing some "Welcome the Messiah" signs.
* The Nebraska Legislature has passed the halfway mark of its current session. This is the traditional point where work begins to undo the damage done during the first half of the session.
* Omaha's City Council voted 7-0 to pass the buck -- I mean, to place on the May ballot an initiative for $50 million in general obligation bonds for improvements at the proposed Crossroads Village.
* The Marshalltown, Iowa, school district is handing out pedometers to students. Good thing they didn't do this back when your grandparents were kids. "When I was your age, I walked ... 16.323 miles to school and back. And you want a ride?"
* A Lancaster County judge issued a ruling that could delay the Keystone XL pipeline. At this point, it's neck and neck as to which comes first: the Keystone XL pipeline or a man colonizing Jupiter.
* The Omaha Civic Auditorium is for sale. This is the local version of "I've got some swampland for you."
* An expert claims that if a cat sneezes, rain is on the way. A chorus of Omahans fed up with inaccurate forecasts shouted in unison, "What do we have to lose?"
* A change in the MUD billing system means a customer may see two bills due in the same month. This could catch on. I can just picture OPPD executives saying: "Two bills? Genius!"
* There's a type of toilet paper that bears the image of Barack Obama. Now, I've never been inside the men's room at Fox News, but I can take a guess what I'd find.
* Congress put out a call for "computer whiz kids" to send ideas for mobile apps. And, if you kids have any ideas about a functional health-care plan and workable jobs program, send those, too.
* Cable companies Comcast and Time Warner are joining forces. This will create a monolithic conglomerate that does nothing but show "The Beastmaster" 24/7.
* Forget North Korea and Iran; we have more to worry about from this cable company.
* I read that ultraconservative Republicans may be toughening their immigration stance. That pretty much has to involve calling for the deportation of French poodles.
* The next nation to legalize marijuana may be Jamaica. I could have sworn Jamaica legalized marijuana around 1704.
* When your capital is already built in the shape of a giant bong, it's time.
* A Bitcoin exchange site has shut down. Oh, no! Now what are Americans going to do for currency? What will we possibly use to buy things?
* Erin Andrews has replaced Brooke Burke-Charvet on "Dancing With the Stars." At the current rate, in less than five years, Erin Andrews and Ryan Seacrest will hold every job in America.