brad_dickson

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/brad and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read his morning jokes.

* Donald Trump is insinuating that the Ricketts family has some dark secret. Hey, Trump, I think by now everybody knows they own the Cubs.

* John Parrella is returning to Lincoln to coach the defensive line. His main charge: Luring recruits to Nebraska. A good start may be for the media to stop using the word "luring."

* Parrella's main charge is to get people from other places to come to Nebraska. Whatever he comes up with, it'll be better than "We Don't Coast."

* It is reported that President Obama may nominate a Republican to the U.S. Supreme Court. "Signs this is an election year."

* Donald Trump: "I love the poorly educated." If he's elected, this will pale significantly next to "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."

* Remember when Kennedy said that? Instead, now we've got candidates from each party basically saying, "Vote for me and I'll dump cash down your chimney."

* Jeb Bush dropped out of the race. Bush is mostly just relieved that he can stop speaking Spanish two-thirds of the time.

* "Super lice" has been reported in 25 states. These are sort of like the presidential candidates.

* The media reports that in 25 states, super lice are taking over. So they've mounted a lice coup?

* The SAT of the future may no longer contain an essay section. Sure, kids today hate to write. Instead of penning an essay, the kids will just post their favorite emoji.

* There is now a dress made entirely out of bubble wrap. “Mom, the other kids at the prom are gonna laugh at me!” “No, sweetie, I promise they won’t.”

* This sounds like something Nicki Minaj would wear to the MTV awards.

* The Big 12 Conference is considering expansion. You think the ozone layer growing is a concern.

* The goal of MLB spring training? Get players in shape to play. With any luck, Bartolo Colon will be ready by April 2019.

* Vanderbilt center Josh Henderson sank an 80-foot buzzer-beater. The ball passed through two ZIP codes.

* Ronda Rousey appears on one of three Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition covers. Rousey is also starring in two upcoming movies. She did lose to Holly Holm, right? Just double checking.

* There is online video of a boy sucker punching his twin brother after losing a youth wrestling match to him. And they ask: “Where are the Vontaze Burficts of tomorrow coming from?”

* There are some weird drills at the NFL combine. Take the 30-yard shuttle run with a gopher on your shoulder.

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