brad_dickson

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/brad and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes.

* Omaha's Best Places to Work have been named. I’m particularly interested in the “under 25 employees” category. Anybody notice how ConAgra did?

* Donald Trump lashed out at Gov. Pete Ricketts’ family. Online I saw pictures of Ricketts and Trump side-by-side. They looked like before and after photos of an experiment to cure baldness gone horribly wrong.

* The Nebraska State Board of Education criticized a bill that would require high school seniors to pass a citizenship test. With the emphasis on sex ed, instead OPS seniors will have to take a “Fifty Shades of Grey” quiz.

* An OPS board member has filed to run for Nebraska Legislature. Sure, as a member of the OPS board he has experience not listening to the public.

* The Nebraska Legislature voted to make flying lanterns illegal and approved mountain lion license plates. Now maybe we can somehow tie in flying lanterns and cougar plates to a property tax relief bill so legislators can get interested in that.

* The Legislature did decide that 18-year-olds should not be allowed to hold office. That’s a great start. Now can we do something about 16-year-olds being allowed to drive?

* In Iowa there is support for legalizing marijuana. Sure, everyone knows you have to be stoned before those Council Bluffs overpass sculptures make sense.

* “I suddenly get it, dude! It’s a guy goin’ to 7-Eleven for chips and pop.” “Yeah, dude, you’re right!”

* The Omaha woman who was bitten after sneaking into the zoo to pet a tiger has been arrested for disorderly conduct. She then allegedly tried to bite a police officer. I’m assuming this was in conjunction with Omaha Beer Week?

* She sneaked into a zoo, got bitten by a tiger and now allegedly has tried to bite a cop. That is shocking stuff. Not shocking in the least: She’s represented by attorney James Martin Davis.

* Jimmy Buffett is coming to Omaha. In a possibly related story, sales of loose-fitting Hawaiian shirts are up 9,000 percent in Omaha over normal February sales figures.

* A Dunning, Nebraska, father was arrested for allegedly attacking a 17-year-old who had just defeated his kid in wrestling. That is appalling. The other kid was “talking crap” about the son. OK, maybe not all that appalling.

* In presidential election news, Nevada is the latest vital state where virtually nobody lives to hold caucuses.

* Because it’s Nevada, every polling place had an all-you-can-eat buffet for $5.99.

* The lights went out at a Donald Trump weekend rally. Man, it sounds like the GOP establishment is getting serious about stopping Trump.

* Donald Trump is now feuding with the Ricketts family. So it sounds like Trump is up to the R’s.

* Bernie Sanders is reportedly the only presidential candidate paying his interns an hourly wage. However, I understand that Hillary Clinton pays hers per alibi.

* Americans seem to be losing interest in presidential debates. So the format is being tweaked. Instead of an actual debate, now candidates will engage in a lip-sync battle.

* A California Girl Scout has been selling cookies in front of a marijuana dispensary. If you’re taking into consideration smarts, I think she deserves every merit badge offered.

* I saw an online article titled “Money Mistakes Young Adults Make.” Accepting all 98 credit card offers that arrive in the mail?

* The Ringling Bros. Circus has a clown college. Half the schools in the SEC tried to schedule a nonconference football game against this school.

* NBA owners are discussing allowing ads on player jerseys. You thought it was bad playing for the Pelicans, now you could play for the Imodium Pelicans.

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