brad_dickson

Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad," appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/brad and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * *

Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes.

* Valentine’s Day in Omaha features heart-shaped potholes.

* A paranormal team is looking into whether ghosts inhabiting a 132-year-old historic building in downtown Omaha want it to be torn down. I’m thinking “Omaha” is about to start trending again.

* Just when I think the saga involving leveling historic buildings for parking could not get any stranger, now they’re bringing in the Ghostbusters.

* I’m waiting for the press conference where Holland Center leaders claim they’ve talked to the ghosts and the ghosts want the buildings leveled to create parking so Omahans can enjoy the performing arts.

* I read in The World-Herald that old buildings increase in value if they’re haunted. Ralston officials are now claiming a ghost lives in section 12 of the Ralston Arena.

* This is pothole season in Omaha. Potholes are a huge problem. For example, it turns out the new Leavenworth Street Amphitheater really isn’t an amphitheater – it’s a chuckhole.

* Omaha road crews have begun patching potholes. The best thing is, after they apply the Scotch tape, crepe paper and Super Glue, it can take up to 18 minutes before the pothole reopens.

* First the snow plowing improved and now there’s massive pothole repair? This answers the question: Is Mayor Jean Stothert running for re-election? The answer is a resounding yes.

* Because we had snow followed by warmth, this is the time of year Omaha sees more potholes. It’s not unusual to find potholes inside other potholes.

* As a matter of fact, I am typing this from inside a pothole.

* The World-Herald reported that an Omaha man claims his ex-girlfriend jumped out of his closet, grabbed his car keys and stole his car. I’m getting a little sick of newspapers publishing these types of flowery romantic stories right before Valentine's Day.

* An Omaha man claims his ex-girlfriend jumped out of the closet, grabbed his car keys and stole his car. Am I the only one who suspects this relationship began as a Tinder date?

* A Millard high school student wrote out “PROM?” in 117-foot letters in the snow. It took over four hours. Unfortunately, before his would-be date saw it Omaha crews plowed it. “We gotta make up for two storms ago. Sorry, kid.”

* After a City Council meeting in Tennessee, a councilwoman was arrested on public intoxication charges. I’m proud to live in Omaha, where it only seems like our City Council members must have been intoxicated to make those decisions.

* Spending in the U.S. is up. So it sounds like somebody just bought another dozen Valentine's roses.

* This year you can buy a Valentine’s card featuring the butt print of the artist. I’m going to guess this is not part of the Hallmark line.

* Hillary Clinton is planning to spend Valentine’s Day with her closest loved ones – Goldman Sachs executives.

* Thursday night’s Democratic presidential candidate debate was mainly sponsored by PBS. Because it’s PBS, the candidates raised their vitriol to a third- grade level.

* During the debate, regarding health care, Hillary Clinton said: “We are not England. We are not France.” Maybe not. But with Obamacare we’re teetering on being Canada South.

* A Pittsburgh man who died at 70 urged his friends in his obituary not to vote for Donald Trump. You think Trump hated mainstream media before, now he’s being trashed in the obituary section.

* This lays the groundwork for Trump’s first posthumous feud.

* Chick-fil-A has a list of suggestions to eat healthier that includes regularly eating, wait for it – Chick-fil-A nuggets. And this month’s Chutzpah Award goes to ...

* Chick-fil-A recommends eating its nuggets to stay healthy. Tobacco company executives: “Well, of all the nerve!”

* The Oakland Raiders may move to Texas. Well, good luck winning over Texans to the game of football.

Commenting is limited to Omaha World-Herald subscribers. To sign up, click here.

If you're already a subscriber and need to activate your access or log in, click here.

(0) comments

Welcome to the discussion.

Please keep it clean, turn off CAPS LOCK and don't threaten anyone. Be truthful, nice and proactive. And share with us - we love to hear eyewitness accounts.

You must be a digital subscriber to view this article.