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Waking to low blood sugar

Waking to low blood sugar

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All I want is sleep.

I wake, cold. My fingers grip invisible ice, my body shivers despite the heavy quilt. Sleeping, still laying down, I feel weak. Sleep is all I want. I nudge my brain, trying to move, but all I want is sleep.

I try to force myself out of bed, but sleep pulls me under like a monster in a dream. Sweat trickles down my back, across my chest, but the cold still wraps around me. I feel like I am sinking. I try to open my eyes.

But all I want is sleep.

My heart quickens like a child as the cold sweat continues streaming down my body. I know I need to wake up. I know a couple minutes longer will find me passed out. I argue with my sleepy brain, but I can’t make my body move. I reach a hand toward the spot where my husband sleeps, but he is gone.

“Get up, get up now!” I shout inside my head. Still, all I want is sleep.

I can barely lift my head; I can barely open my eyes. The desire to stay in place, to succumb to sleep, is strong. I wonder how much time I have as I finally roll off the bed. Hitting the floor, I don’t know if I have the strength to treat this low blood sugar.

Today, I find the strength. Today, I am able to get off the floor. Today, I manage to pour the juice down my throat. What about tomorrow?

As warmth slowly fills my body again, I realize that today, I fought the temptation of sleep. Then I think about the years to come and wonder if I can stave off the drug-like stupor of low blood sugars forever. All I do is live in this moment; all I know is my body’s readjustment to warmth.

All I want is sleep.

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