Breaking Brad: Walmart beats Russia, stakes a claim on the moon

 


Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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This is Brad's afternoon edition. Click here to read Brad's morning jokes.

* There were 70 mph winds when storms moved through eastern Nebraska on Tuesday. It was so windy, the mayor and fire chief of Omaha were blown into the same room.

* It was so humid on Monday, all of Omaha was declared an aquatic center.

* The Princeton Review named the University of Iowa the nation's No. 1 party school. RAGBRAI riders told Iowa students, "You party too much."

* On "The Bachelorette," a week after Desiree was rejected by the man of her dreams, Brooks, she chose Chris on Monday. After of course checking with Chris to see if she could call him "Brooks."

* Chris then gave Desiree a 3.5-carat diamond engagement ring. I hope he saved the receipt.

* Meanwhile, the name of the new "Bachelor" was released. It's Anthony Weiner. Just kidding.

* Alex Rodriguez returned to the Yankees' lineup for a game in Chicago on Monday. A-Rod is so corrupt, even though he's only in town a couple days, he's leading a Chicago alderman's race.

* Rodriguez turned 38 last week. This is not a good sign -- A-Rod’s cake was baked at a biogenesis lab in Florida.

* There’s nothing new in Major League Baseball, except for the part about half the league being suspended.

* In a new autobiography, "Partridge Family" mom, Shirley Jones, "tells all." Only in America could people care less about the $16-trillion national debt but are riveted waiting to find out why Danny always sat behind the driver on the bus.

* Dunkin’ Donuts will add gluten-free items to its menu. Now the one person in the world who goes to McDonald’s for the salads can also be the one person who goes to Dunkin’ Donuts to eat gluten-free.

* After playing a tournament in Switzerland, Roger Federer was given a cow as a gift. This is sort of like when the president visits some out of the way nation and that country’s leader presents him with a herd of bison.

* Federer was presented with a cow. Next time someone complains about the gift you buy them, show 'em this story.

Also from Brad: Who's ready to go to lasso fishing? Not in Tennessee

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