Breaking Brad: Cowboys lineman proposes to Brooke Hogan


Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at and follow him on Twitter.

* * * * * * * * * *

Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* On Monday, hundreds of Occupy Omaha members gathered – wait, my mistake. Those were actually mayoral candidates holding a forum.

* At Monday night's mayoral forum, it was obvious that Jim Suttle's opponents are going to exploit any perceived weakness he has. Two of them drove up in snowplows.

* Lance Armstrong reportedly told Oprah that he used performance enhancing drugs to win the Tour de France. This stunned Armstrong's lone remaining supporter, a goat herder in the Ukraine named Oli.

* There are record-low freezing temperatures in Arizona. To really get under the skin of Arizona officials, illegal immigrants are ice skating across the border.

* On Monday, for the first time in nearly seven years, Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas spoke during oral arguments. I'm trying to confirm that he shouted “Go Big Red!”

* Something is drastically wrong in this country when someone with the wisdom of a Clarence Thomas goes seven years without talking and Khloe Kardashian won't shut up.

* President Obama's Inauguration Day guests will include about 27 celebrities. Which is unusual because on an average day Obama hangs out with 29 celebrities.

* President Obama nominated Jack Lew for Treasury Secretary. He's the first cabinet nominee to be repeatedly mistaken for a Dr. Seuss character.

* Obama is reportedly going to take a tougher stance with Republicans in Congress. The only way his stance can get tougher is to meet with Republican leaders in the new White House “Octagon Room.”

* Temperatures across the upper Midwest have dropped to zero. It's so cold that Michigan football coach Brady Hoke was walking around in a long-sleeved shirt.

* Syracuse coach Doug Marrone is leaving to coach the Buffalo Bills. His dream is to win a Super Bowl. This makes no sense because statistically the odds of winning a Super Bowl at Syracuse are exactly the same as coaching the Bills.

* Reportedly, Kobe Bryant and Dwight Howard had a heated spat. There's a surprise. Kobe having trouble getting along with a teammate who's a big center from the south and can't shoot free throws.

Recommended for you

(0) comments

Welcome to the discussion.

Please keep it clean, turn off CAPS LOCK and don't threaten anyone. Be truthful, nice and proactive. And share with us - we love to hear eyewitness accounts.

You must be a digital subscriber to view this article.