Breaking Brad: Cowboys lineman proposes to Brooke Hogan

 


Brad Dickson's humor column, "Breaking Brad" appears daily on Omaha.com and in The World-Herald. To read more from Brad, check out his past columns at omaha.com/dickson and follow him on Twitter.

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Brad's morning edition. Check back this afternoon for more jokes from Brad.

* On Monday, hundreds of Occupy Omaha members gathered – wait, my mistake. Those were actually mayoral candidates holding a forum.

* At Monday night's mayoral forum, it was obvious that Jim Suttle's opponents are going to exploit any perceived weakness he has. Two of them drove up in snowplows.

* Lance Armstrong reportedly told Oprah that he used performance enhancing drugs to win the Tour de France. This stunned Armstrong's lone remaining supporter, a goat herder in the Ukraine named Oli.

* There are record-low freezing temperatures in Arizona. To really get under the skin of Arizona officials, illegal immigrants are ice skating across the border.

* On Monday, for the first time in nearly seven years, Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas spoke during oral arguments. I'm trying to confirm that he shouted “Go Big Red!”

* Something is drastically wrong in this country when someone with the wisdom of a Clarence Thomas goes seven years without talking and Khloe Kardashian won't shut up.

* President Obama's Inauguration Day guests will include about 27 celebrities. Which is unusual because on an average day Obama hangs out with 29 celebrities.

* President Obama nominated Jack Lew for Treasury Secretary. He's the first cabinet nominee to be repeatedly mistaken for a Dr. Seuss character.

* Obama is reportedly going to take a tougher stance with Republicans in Congress. The only way his stance can get tougher is to meet with Republican leaders in the new White House “Octagon Room.”

* Temperatures across the upper Midwest have dropped to zero. It's so cold that Michigan football coach Brady Hoke was walking around in a long-sleeved shirt.

* Syracuse coach Doug Marrone is leaving to coach the Buffalo Bills. His dream is to win a Super Bowl. This makes no sense because statistically the odds of winning a Super Bowl at Syracuse are exactly the same as coaching the Bills.

* Reportedly, Kobe Bryant and Dwight Howard had a heated spat. There's a surprise. Kobe having trouble getting along with a teammate who's a big center from the south and can't shoot free throws.

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