Welcome to Week 2 of the Bottom 10, when teams begin to know what they have. Or, in the case of the Bottom 10, what they don’t have.
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1. Hawaii (0-2): The Warriors claim the Bottom 10 top spot for the first time. Hawaii is struggling so bad, teams from the Big 12 and Big Ten are trying to schedule games at Aloha Stadium for reasons that have nothing to do with the weather.
2. Massachusetts (0-2): The Minutemen lose to Maine. Will be thankful when the murderers row schedule of facing other New England teams is finally over.
3. Southern Mississippi (0-2): Upset with the team’s omission from Week 1 of the Bottom 10, Southern Miss proves it belongs after its game at Nebraska. Those returning Allan Bridgford passes for TDs in the first half included Stanley Jean-Baptiste, Ciante Evans, Harvey Perlman and a Memorial Stadium hot dog vendor.
4. Temple (0-2): Hooter, Temple’s owl mascot, is being microchiped in case he tries to escape the team’s lousy season.
5. New Mexico State (0-2): The Aggies are quickly becoming the go-to “make us look better than we actually are” team for schools wishing to schedule easy nonconference opponents.
6. UAB (0-2): The UAB Sacrificial Lambs fall to LSU 56-17.
7. UNLV (0-2): The Rebels’ home games are drawing smaller crowds than the midnight buffet at the Rio.
8. Florida Atlantic (0-2): FAU dropped to 0-2 with loss to East Carolina. Lincoln looking better each week to coach Carl Pelini.
9. Buffalo (0-2): After a 70-13 loss to Baylor, Buffalo fans are already looking forward to the end of football season, though that means winter snow deep enough to cover the goal posts.
10. Idaho (0-2): Idaho lost to Wyoming 42-10. The Vandals were hurt by Husker fans cheering for the Cowboys, hoping that Wyoming turns out to be a good team.
Also receiving votes: Florida International, Georgia State, South Florida, Old Dominion, New Dominion, exit agreements, roundabouts, the Brent Musburger-Eminem interview, the new cast of “Dancing with the Stars,” the Dennis Rodman-Kim Jong Un relationship, Miami (Ohio).